Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis

Archive for the ‘Infertility’ Category

August 18th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Reflecting on Lifetime Contributor Award to Childfreedom

hometownnewsPostedReceiving any award is always an ago boost. When I heard the International Committee for International Childfree Day (August 1, 2014) chose me for their inaugural “Lifetime Contributor Award”, I had mixed emotions.

Why wasn’t I honored as their, “Woman of The Year”? Did they give me this as a pity party knowing I faced cancer  this year?  Finally, the word “Lifetime” made me feel old!

Then I re-thought the whole thing.

It’s an honor! I’m proud and feel excited to be worthy of this first time recognition.  When I think of the 40 years or more I’ve fought the battle against pronatalism, faced so much in losing a job and being called ” perverse” after being on “60 Minutes”,  had to cross picket lines when I had speaking engagements and the loss of friends, I sigh. Thinking back, it was all worth it. (Well maybe not the loss of a job as my pension now reflects the years I couldn’t teach!)

People keep telling me the choice not to have or raise children is accepted now and there’s no need for all this support. Really? How I wish this was true. If you could read the daily letters I get telling me they thought there was something wrong with them because they had no maternal or paternal feelings, you would cringe. If you could see how many accolades I get for fighting the fight, you would be surprised. If you could hear how many face being shunned by their families due to this personal choice, you would know we have a long way to go.

Internationally, pronatal influences are epidemic to have children. Religious and cultural expectations make it one of the most important things anyone can do whether or not they are parent material or know any of the realities in what it takes to be an effective parent. Where are any support systems for the childfree lifestyle? Are they ever mentioned in any schools? No! But students are still seen carrying around hard boiled eggs in a basket to teach the responsibility of being a parent. (I can’t make this up!) Where are infertile people taught about choosing childfreedom as a viable and rewarding choice and not being a victim of the barren tsk tsk tsking society.

If you think not having/raising children is accepted, tell your friends and family you are not having children. You’ll probably still hear: you’ll change your mind, isn’t that selfish or why get married?

There may be a few who say, “That’s your own personal choice”. I feel proud of knowing that can happen and feel I had a part of raising the global consciousness.

We have a long way to go. As I age, I hope there are more to carry on and get this wonderful award. The more we feel safe and proud to say, “I’m childfree by choice”, the more children have a better chance of children being born or adopted into the lives of people truly aware of what it means to raise a child.

At 71, I can say, without a doubt, I have no regrets. Childfreedom is one of the sweetest, fulfilling lifestyles anyone can have. I’m proud to be given this award and vow to continue to fight pronatalism.



May 7th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Mother’s Day In America 2014

Mother’s Day In America

By Marcia Drut-Davis

Before I share some heartfelt emotions, I want to honor those mothers, grandmothers and aunts who devote their lives to their children, grandchildren nieces or nephews. There are many deserving of adoration. How lucky for those children!

Sadly, in my opinion, the Mother’s Day celebration in America is another example of the dangers of pronatalism. It exalts the status of being a mother to something short of being a saint. Just the mere mention of the revered word “mother’ makes many swoon with love and joy. It discounts the many hearts hurting from abuse or indifference. It forgets those children who suffer from their mothers who were never parent material in the first place. It encourages more to get that title to become a part of societal or religious expectations so they can get the same attention.

We forget the damage to those facing infertility. They seem to view themselves as “less than” or barren. Look up the word “childless” in any thesaurus and see the negative words associated to infertile. Never are infertile people told about the sheer joy and freedom to live a childfree (not “less”) lifestyle. Never are they told how much they can give to themselves and humanity having more time to “mother” in other ways. It seems the only way is though a baby or child. Really?

How many women mother through their work? How many mother through being a passionate supporter of a green environment? How many mother as devoted  neighbors to children whose moms may be forced to come home late? How many mother as concerned citizens volunteering in government, animal humane societies, Big Sisters or Guardian Ad Litem?

Until we, the childfree by choice, are given as much attention, adoration and accolades on International Non-Parents Day (which is August 1st) there is no equality and no understanding of how wonderful, loving and nurturing we can be without having or raising children.


Marcia Drut-Davis is author of, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” on


May 30th, 2013 by Marcia Davis

My Memoir is Born


It’s been a long and difficult birth. After four years of labor, experiencing the frustrations of writing, rejection and revisions, my creative “baby” is now available. The EBook is available on (You can read sample chapters by clicking on the book to the left on this page.) Within days of this post, the printed version will also be available. I’m in awe of this accomplishment and how many people share this joy. I’m also shocked at how many people I thought would be supportive, are not. It doesn’t matter. From reading the reviews, hearing the reactions and knowing this book can touch the lives of others, I feel proud.

Yesterday, I saw my first royalty check. After doing a happy dance around my office with my husband Jim and Pippa (our rescued Chihuahua) another thought entered my consciousness. People accused me, in the past, of not being able to “live on” because of not procreating. As more and more readers experience my words, I’m doing that! Touching the future by supporting personal choices society still may label as “selfish”, makes me smile. How many other childless-by-choice (or childfree) people give back to others or this planet  through a myriad of loving, caring ways? How many others suffer unnecessarily because they’re labeled as “barren”?

I pledge to you, my readers and cyber-space family, my commitment to answer any and all questions. No question is “stupid”. If I can’t answer that question, I’ll find another who can. I realize there are many other books out there and encourage you to read as many as you can. What I offer is a mature, experienced lifetime of living in childfreedom. I’m not trying to push it in your face. I will never say having kids is awful if that’s your choice. I will say to be careful. Pronatalism is dangerous and can make you feel you’re crazy for not wanting to raise a child. I urge you to read, “The Baby Matrix” by Laura Carroll ( to learn more about pronatalism. Having or not having children is, in my opinion the most important choice you’ll ever make. Children deserve careful consideration, don’t they? You deserve to be be true to your own wants and wishes in this life.

I look forward to hearing from you on this blog, meeting you at speaking engagements or maybe skyping. Thank you for being there for me and acknowledging this topic is still important when more choices are available… but the myths and pressures live on.


April 1st, 2011 by Marcia Davis


Infertility is an agonizing physical, financial and emotional challenge. I’ve known many women and men who will go to extremes to become pregnant. Sometimes, the woman’s health is even placed in jeopardy to risk a successful pregnancy. The cost can be staggering. The emotional toll can be devastating every time failure is experienced.

Do you think infertile people are affected by society’s expectations for normal people to want to raise children of their own? Do you think people are branded as “barren”? Do you think people are aware of the childfree lifestyle as being a viable choice?