Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
January 13th, 2020 by Marcia Davis

A Shocking Loss

I called her my daughter/friend. She was going to carry on after me. She can’t. She tragically died in a horrific accident falling down her stairs in her home. Her liver shattered. She died in surgery as they tried to repair that liver. Her heart gave out. Blair Lerae Shields was only 38.

I met her at the NOTMOMSUMMIT in Cleveland Ohio in 2015. It was love at first hello! She took me aside to have me sign my memoir and said, “They say when you meet your hero, you’ll be upset! I’m not!”. We hugged and that was our first heart connection.

There were numerous back and forth phone calls, emails and texts after that. She meet me in New York City for brunch before attending the film festival where “To Kid or Not To Kid” was entered. During brunch, I looked at her and genuinely saw so much beauty; not only outwardly, but inside. She radiated joy, life and excitement. I said, “You know what? You’re really gorgeous!” She laughed and never told me she was a pageant queen in her youth. Winning got her to go to Oral Roberts University! (I found this out in her memorial service.)

She made magnets for all who attended a brunch in honor of the filmmaker, Maxine Trump. (No relation) Everyone at that brunch was super excited for what Maxine had filmed. The laughter and love was infectious. At one time, later, in a local bar, after the film was shown, we went outside to take a group photo. It was freezing cold! She went out without her coat. I yelled at her, “Go get your coat! It’s too cold!” She laughed with that Blair smile and said, “You’re an annoying mother-friend!” She kept the coat off.

Her beloved husband Travis took me aside and thanked me for caring about Blair. I told him it was easy. I loved her.

Blair started a very successful meetup in Texas for the childfree. Many events were hosted in their home. Her Facebook site: RESPECTFULLY CHILDFREE had thousands following her. She also had a huge following on Instagram. She taught me how to get on and maneuver around it. She had the patience of a saint with me being an older woman trying to learn all the social media I could to reach hearts.

When I received a Gofundme for a memorial fund sent to me by one of her friends, at first, I thought it was for one of her three adored dogs. My eyes got wider as I read and re-read. It was for Blair Lerae Shields. I simply sat down and cried.

Her sudden and tragic death is hard to wrap my brains around. How? Why? Even with answers, nothing brings her back. Except for one thing: anyone who knew her knows our grief is testimony to how much we loved her. The pain is awful. yet, would I not want the pain? That would have meant I never knew her.

It’s now the holiday season. It’s difficult to be happy with such a profound loss. Blair sent me an ornament for our little tree that says, “Silent Night. Childfree Night”. It sits in the middle of that tree and I chuckle. So, we go on. She would have wanted that for all her childfree followers and family.

I loved her, will miss her and am thankful I connected with her amazing heart.


June 2nd, 2020 by Marcia Davis

The Need For Childfree Friends.

When I first became aware that I wasn’t the only person on the planet not wanting to birth or raise my own children, it was a mind-blower. After reading “The Baby Trap”, in 1973, the author, Ellen Peck, suggested meeting other like-minded people in the New York area. I hungered for childfree friends.

That was 45 years ago. Since then, I’ve walked down the path of being an advocate and passionate supporter of the childfree lifestyle. The childfree friends I’ve made throughout this world, through my two books, guest speaking engagements, social media and word of mouth have been gifts in my life.

When I started hosting my childfree friends support cruises, it was to give people the chance to really bond with others. It wasn’t an ephemeral moment on a Facebook site, a tweet or an Instagram post. It was a full week of being with childfree friends.

Many have told me that one week changed their lives. One even wrote a heart wrenching chapter in my second book. After returning from that vacation, being validated, supported and respected by childfree friends her life changed. Having those heart connections gave her the courage to be whom she is without fear.

Another past cruiser, emerged from her cabin to become a fierce warrior. Hearing from our guest speakers and her newfound childfree friends, gave her courage to be as proud as any parent. She found her butterfly wings from her insulated cocoon of fear. She’s still heart connected to her group she met!

Even now, with a worldwide pandemic, I’m booking two cruises for childfree friends. One is January 31-Feb 8th of 2021. It’s for the Southern Caribbean Islands from Puerto Rico. That ship has studios for singles! (Unheard of in this industry.) Where can singles go for an entire week for around 1200.00 with free entertainment, free drinks, free food, free wifi, and a shore excursion credit for a port trip? For two in a cabin, it’s around 2800.00. The other one is for Alaska, a bucket list cruise… August 11-18th. Pricing is higher because it’s a trip only in the summer and most wanted.

My joy would be to welcome you on board one or both cruises. All deposits (125.00 pp) are refundable and go with their protective “PEACE OF MIND policy from Norwegian Cruise Lines for safety and concerns for all onboard. Trust me. At 77, I’m not taking any chances. Life is too precious.

Email me at:marciadavis@ketravel.com for all info.

I want to help you see joy in finding childfree friends and will do my best to make this a vacation to remember.

Hugs,

Marcia

May 30th, 2020 by Jim Davis

Special Book Sale

My books, Confessions of a Childfree Woman: a life spent swimming against the mainstream, & What?! You Don’t Want Children? Understanding Rejection in the Childfree Lifestyle are now available on Amazon.com. in both Ebook and printed version and on this site in printed version only. Go to my SHOP Page to see how to purchase here.

May 12th, 2019 by Marcia Davis

A Non-Mother’s Mothers’ Day

We don’t need title of ‘Mother’ to be valued as women

I am not a mother of any child. It is a carefully chosen choice. Sadly, I have been labeled as selfish, hedonistic and irresponsible. I am far from those perceptions. In my opinion, I have mothered (or nurtured) in many other beautiful ways.

I have nurtured children as a dedicated teacher. Many are still heart connected. One calls me, “Marma” (Marcia/grandma) to her child. I have nurtured gardens helping bees to pollinate. I am nurturing a rescued Chihuahua. I have nurtured other family, friends’ and neighbors’ children.

Do not get me wrong; I applaud those women dedicated to mothering biological, adopted or fostered children. However, they are seen as being perfect just by the name of “mother” when many never deserve that recognition.

So, on Mother’s Day, I sing praises to those who cannot have, should not have or chose not to be mothers. I applaud those women serving and protecting our country. I love professionals who give of their hearts in careers dedicated to children. To many who volunteer at Big/Brothers/Sisters or Meals on Wheels or a myriad of other nurturing organization, I salute you.

Mother’ Day should be a day to value all women who nurture in whatever ways seem right for them. For me, it’s not about having children, It’s about being valued as women without the title of “Mother.”

Marcia Davis, Stuart

August 14th, 2018 by Marcia Davis

CHILDFREE WOMAN OF THE YEAR GRACES THIS PAGE FOR YOU.

Emma Palmer won the 2018 International Childfree Woman Of The Year title. I reached out to her and asked her if she would look back and share what she’s learned to inspire you.

I loved reading this piece and thank her for sharing.

I’ve always said, “Be loud and proud” of your choice… as any parent may be.

Looking back, looking forwards and going beyond labels…

 

On 1st August this year I was greatly honored to be named Childfree Person of the Year 2018 on International Childfree Day. In the past week Marcia and I have had a lovely email chat after she contacted me to say I should keep a look out for her book ‘Confessions of a Childfree Woman: A Life Spent Swimming Against the Mainstream’, one of the gifts coming my way after winning this title. I’m looking forward to reading it. As we chatted Marcia invited me to write a piece for her website. ‘What theme?’ I asked. ‘Looking back. Lessons learned’ she replied. ‘Okey doke’ I said, challenge accepted.

 

That theme has got me reflecting deeply this past week. A few responses have come strongly to mind. On the one hand I wish I had made my noise over the years about the reasons why I am without child – important note to self: there’s still time to make more noise. On the other, what’s also re-surfaced, to my surprise, is the part of me that has in the past been reluctant about not having children. I hadn’t expected that at all, and it’s been moving to re-visit that old part of myself.

A bit of back story might help here; a potted history of my childfreedom. It was only when I was 27 that I realized it wasn’t compulsory to have children. This came as a bit of a shock, and I still feel a bit embarrassed admitting it given that I was an independent woman doing all sorts of interesting things. I had always said I would have children ‘by the time I’m 30’. So I decided to imagine not having children, just for a year, to ‘try it on for size’, given the extent of my pro-natal brainwashing.

 

I started researching and getting fascinated by the increasing trend of childlessness – as it was then called – and talked to parents and non-parents alike, understanding the parenthood or childfree decision in as much depth as I could. I was increasingly horrified by the stereotyping of those of us without child and the invasive questions in my 20s about my own reproduction choices. This decision-making took some time for me, and I’ve sometimes felt envious of those who knew at the age of 18 that they definitely didn’t want children… Because I had always assumed I would be a mum, because I love the company of children, it wasn’t an overnight decision for me. Having said that, what I also experienced at that time was a new found sense of liberation when I realized that having children was a choice rather than an inevitability – I could create rather than procreate!

 

Long long long story short, I ended up writing my second book ‘Other than Mother: Choosing Childlessness with Life in Mind’ which was published by Earth Books in 2016. It had become increasingly clear to me that I wouldn’t be having children, partly because I was so engaged in my life and work (I’m a psychotherapist, trainer, author) and partly because it didn’t make sense with the planet in mind and the harm we’re causing it – that harm getting more and more visible by the day, with fires raging and temperatures rising. I’m a long time social scientist, Buddhist practitioner and ecopsychologist (someone exploring the relationship between humans and the natural world) and for a long time now it’s seemed very clear to me that the world’s population could definitely do without me adding to its number, not to mention the knock-on effects of the carbon emissions of another being, and all the beings they may go on to produce in the future.

 

The writing of ‘Other than Mother’ clarified and helped me to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be having children. In the latter stages of writing the book I asked myself ‘can I definitely publish this – what if I change my mind?’ So I guess I was then still reluctantly childfree. That time has passed now and it’s a huge relief to be in the phase of life beyond the parenthood decision, approaching midlife with greater clarity. In ‘Other than Mother’ I talk about the importance of ‘baby-sized projects’ for the childfree, in the place of human babies. For me these projects have become the books I write. I cherish the greater freedom of a childfree life with time to write, time to teach, time to travel, time to do all sorts of things I mightn’t have so much time to do with a growing family. And I can’t deny that this week, contacting the part of me that once wanted to be a mother, there’s been pathos there occasionally – albeit very fleeting. Being a therapist and author can be lonely at times and my life isn’t as people-filled as I’d once imagined. And, at the same time, I could never imagine giving up book writing… I count myself as very lucky to be an aunt and enjoy times with my nephew and nieces enormously. It’s a mystery to me when I hear people say ‘I don’t like children’. I don’t get it, it sounds like saying ‘I don’t like adults’. I want to ask, well, which children? Where? When? Etc. Everyone seems pretty unique to me, whether adult, child, horse or dog (I’m an animal lover, too).

 

That kinds of brings me back to the first response I had to Marcia’s question – I wish I had made my noise about the reasons why I am without child. I saw this great production called ‘Make More Noise’ at our local theatre last week, celebrating the suffragettes and the marking of the centenary this year when many women were given the vote for the first time. The production also pointed out how/why we need to protest more for women’s equality to be realized – I was heartened that they included the situations of the childfree and childless. It was so moving seeing these actresses, many of them in their 20s, making a noise, dressed as themselves, as Frida Kahlo, as suffragettes – many other characters – as they made their point. They were way more vocal than I was at that point in my life.

 

It’s inspiring me to make more noise in my work. I guess I’m already doing that, in particular, this year, co-editing a book for counsellors and psychotherapists in the wake of last autumn’s #metoo movement. There are still quite a few things I rarely talk about; the more taboo things. One example is the fact that I haven’t flown for the past 15 years for environmental/ecological reasons. I love travelling and I used to love flying and I wanted to commit to something which got me to actively think about the consequences of my actions and my carbon footprint. But it feels too edgy, too controversial to talk about and I’ve received ‘how sad’ looks when I’ve said that I don’t fly in response to ‘you should go to x, you’d love it’ Talking about not flying reminds me a bit of the conversations about not having children I used to have 20 years ago, back in my 20s. Strange looks, awkward silences, raised eyebrows.

 

The thing is, unless we start having these dialogues about how we live, until we look at our hungry consumption habits, what’s the end game going to be? Theresa May and Donald Trump aren’t taking climate change seriously, to say the least, so now’s the time for leadership from the bottom up, strengthening our social movements if we’re to safeguard life on earth for our children and grandchildren – whether we personally produced them or not – not to mention ceasing or lessening the harm we’re already causing the planet, with species going extinct every minute of the day. Bringing in more stewardship for the earth and the other species.

 

There, I made more noise! As a final response to Marcia’s excellent theme of ‘looking back and lessons learned’ although I’m childfree I increasingly realize that I’m not fond of labels. Very occasionally I use the term ‘childless’ – even though I know this term is used for and by people who are childless by circumstance, happenstance, or loss – as a political point, given that in a different life I might have had children in very different world circumstances. I still sometimes feel the ‘less’ of ‘childless’ given the societal stigma of being without child for whatever reason. These names, labels and divisions can feel limiting and polarizing. Because I once thought I would be a mother, I feel increasingly passionate about bridging between the childless and childfree. The more united we are, the more critical mass we have in challenging how we’re stereotyped and still treated with suspicion. Ultimately, I long for the day when I/we are not defined in relationship to my/our reproductive choices – please leave our wombs out of this! In conclusion, I’m under no illusion that my little life is going to make a huge difference in the great scheme of things. But we need to do what we can, don’t we? In the spirit of making more noise I’d love us to revive the old adage ‘think global, act local.’ Let’s get on with it…

 

 

 

June 23rd, 2018 by Marcia Davis

Cruising With Childfree People!

Vacations are times most people hunger for. It’s potentially our time to enjoy life without the usual stresses, relax, maybe meet new people and have fun. As childfree people, many of us can afford to take vacations. (Although I know many can’t due to unemployment, caring for sick relatives, pets or facing personal health challenges.) For those who can afford vacations, some prefer the joys of constantly exciting experiences such as going to a Dude Ranch, hiking tours or travel to other countries. However, others simply want to veg out.

Now, I’ve found a new passion for my vacations. Cruising offers a bit of everything anyone could enjoy. You can have the fun/excitement of the tours in ports or indulge in the many activities on-board. Some ships offer free drinks for those who enjoy that. You can sit in a hot tub on deck, swim or read that book you haven’t had a chance to enjoy. However, cruising with childfree people is even more enjoyable. Being with like-minded friends is refreshing. That’s why I started NOKID Group Cruising three years ago.

It started when one of my followers from a Facebook support site I’m administrator of… vented about traveling and facing couples that either travel with kids or constantly talk about the kids they left home. She wrote, “I want to be with people who aren’t fixated on their kids or asking why I don’t want to parent! I get that all the time at home!”

I decided to get as much info as I could about cruising with the goal of having groups of childfree traveling together. The first trip was a cruise to Jamaica, The Cayman Island and Cozumel. My guest speaker was the inspiring author: Laura Scott, “Two is Enough!” Laura wowed us with her gentle ways of illuminating the joys and challenges of the Childfree lifestyle.

We met as a group at our first dinner on-board with 16 people. It was the start of sheer happiness for this cruising group. When one of the guests said, “Well, I guess I can’t ask how many kids do YOU have?” we all convulsed in laughter. It felt good. The rest of the trip, we allowed for individual preferences. Some wanted spa treatments. Others wanted to swim, sit in hot tubs, read those novels they didn’t have time to read at home, sun bathe or sleep on the days at sea. In ports, we went on shore excursions. Some banded together to be assured of not having kids with us. (I found a private tour group that only requested 12 to have our own van!) Of course, those who chose to swim with dolphins had a few kids from the ship with them but it didn’t seem to matter. Back on ship, we were there for each other.

Friendships were made. Some dined together. Others met at bars or joined the ship activities of free dance lessons, bingo or Karaoke. At night, we went to the theater as a group where we got in first because I arranged that for our group. After that, some went to the casino, danced on the top deck to the pulsating sounds of dance music or had a late night snack or drink together. Many heart connections are still felt years later!

So, I’m doing it again. This time, it’s the newest Norwegian ship, THE BLISS. I have Blair LaRae from Respectfully Childfree to share her success in how she formed an active meetup.com group in Texas. She’s the youth. I’m the older one. (LOL)

I started planning for this cruise last year. The pricing I got is not the pricing you find today. Truth be told, it’s higher. Although I repeatedly made attempts to reach people months ago, many didn’t take the opportunity to get lower prices. Now, this ship is here with rave reviews. I still have cabins…. but limited. They even have solo traveling cabins available but they may be limited too. Never–the- less, I’m still sharing this with you with the hope of finding a few more childfree people who want to be with us.I also got everyone FREE unlimited drinks and 4 specialty dining meals with those gratuities included.

I’m also working on a gala childfree large group to CUBA in 2020. If you want to get on the list once I know that itinerary is available, email me now at: NOKIDCRUISE@gmail.com. I personally answer all inquiries.

For those screaming, “The Bliss” is not entirely childfree…you’re correct. However, I chose December 8-15th. It’s too close to the holidays for parents to take their children out of schools! The CUBA cruise is a smaller ship of only 1900 people. If we share on all the CF sites, we could take it over. If not, it’s not an itinerary parents take their children! No dolphins to swim with! (LOL)

I look forward to welcoming you on board as your host whenever you can. It’s my joy and passion to connect hearts in friendship. This is the most often cry and need I hear from childfree people. Cruising as a childfree group may be the answer.

Hugs,

Marcia Drut-Davis

www.FAcebook.com/Confesionsofachidfree woman

PS: I noticed some words underlined in blue! They lead you elsewhere and I can’t seem to stop it!Just read past and let me know if you know how I can avoid this.

December 30th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

For My Son/Daughter Friends, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know what you’re thinking,”What? She’s a pioneer in the childfree lifestyle? I thought she never wanted to have or raise kids”. You bet that’s right. Not one regret over living my childfree lifestyle. However, along this path I call “life”, I met some special children who came into my heart and stayed there. Here are their stories of what I call my son-daughter friends:

Denard Tyson: He was one of the first children I ever taught back in 1965! Recently, I found him on the Internet. He was flabbergasted that I remembered him. I couldn’t forget him. He drove me crazy! But I knew he one of those kids I had to reach! I always wondered what happened to him. He’s a retired conductor of the NYC subway system, father and grandfather. I was so relieved and delighted to know he’s had success and happiness along his life’s path.  Now, we’re still connected! Love you my little first grader!

Susan Coatney: I taught Susan in 1970 in a sleepy little town called, Fraser Michigan. Her infectious laughter, joy of living and delight in being in my second grade class as her teacher was felt. I know! I”m not supposed to have special students. However, she landed smack-dab in the middle of my heart and, as all the others you’re going to hear about, and stayed there. I never raised her or them. I never walked the floors as her parents did when she or the others I’m talking about were sick. I never went through the challenges of any of them becoming a teenager, or making poor choices in their lives. However, I’ve delighted in staying heart connected and seeing her and many of the others now as a mother and grandmother. I love you,Susan.

Lan Houng Nguwin She was my first forever ESL student from Woodland Middle school in East Meadow, New York, 1990. Her story of being placed on a boat with strangers and waving good by to her mother made my heart cry. Her mother who must have faced such sadness  knowing it was the best choice to make to get her our of Vietnam. For Houng, who lived for two years in the Philippines, alone, at the tender age 0f 12, her story and her triumphs have never ceased to amaze and warm my heart. Now, I see her as a dedicated mother of two children and wife of Phoung. Every time she calls me, I feel like doing a happy dance. I love you, Houng.

Jeilyn and Augustine Alvarado, brother and sister whom I taught ESL from 1993-1995. First I met Augustine. He was such a challenging young pre-teen. His mischievousness drove his teachers crazy. We bonded and I never had an issue with him. I thought then, and still feel, he was on of the brightest kids with some definite “baggage” he faced then and now. This year, I think he’s on the path to re-claiming his life with joy, great goals and success. He’s now 36. His sister Jeilyn and I are also close. I marvel at her, her choosing to become a mom, her honesty about that lifestyle with me and seeing her step up to the plate for her daughter and her husband. I love you  both so much!

Anna and Annie Chan: Another pair of sisters I had the honor of teaching English as a second language. I’ll never forget when we were experiencing the words “sad and sadness” they confessed they left another pair of twins on the streets of China. Their tears broke all our hearts and showed us how awful this was for them and their parents. They delighted me and their friends when they both wanted to be Chinese pop singers. They sang in the school talent show and wowed their friends and me! Now, they are both mothers and wives. Annie is also a real-estate agent. Jim and I had the pleasure of helping them all through their lives, even when they went to college. I love both of them.

Naznee Khan: I don’t know what brought us together. Maybe it was love at first sight? She was a fearful young girl from India. Our hearts connected and have never separated. She became an RN! She never forgot our class mantra of, “Never Stop Trying”. She’s now married to the love of her life and calls us almost every day.  Jim had the honor of escorting her down the aisle when she married a year ago. She and her husband are very much loved.

Johanna Gutierez: I met this young woman in a meetup for women. When I heard she spoke fluent Spanish, I immediately  bonded to her knowing I volunteered in a Hispanic community where I taught English. I needed help. She said she would love to help! That started a relationship we’re still enjoying. It went beyond her helping me. It went to heart connections that feel good. We see her a lot, speak and text every week and feel heart connected forever. She’s a joy to our life and a supporter of the childfree lifestyle.

None of these fabulous people I birthed or raised. All come to me from different needs or wants. One had to leave her country and mother for a better life. One was shunned by her family for making choices they didn’t agree with. One had an estranged relationship with her mother. One was taken out of an abusive home and placed in foster care. All needed me and I felt honored to be there for them. It’s not the same as raising a child! And, for me and my husband, it’s been a delightful experience.

I’m NOT saying those of you who can’t stand children or having them in their lives should feel guilty. Not at all. These relationships worked for us. It may not be a good for you. I’m not saying if I never knew them I would be yearning to have them in my life. It was and still is a good fit for me and now, my husband whose own daughters divorced us. (That’s fully revealed  in my book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”.)

So, on this last day of 2017, I share this story. It’s to inspire those of you who fear not having “children” in your life will make you have regrets when it’s too late.  I ask you to reach out, if that’s your concern. Find many magnificent younger people in need of support, guidance and nurturing. Check out being a mentor, Big Brothers/Sisters, Boys and Girls Clubs or many organizations in support of kids needing adult relationships.  For those of you who have no need for this, enjoy the beauty of your childfree lifestyle.

Happy New Year!

Marcia Drut-Davis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 3rd, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Childfree Group Cruise

 

This is our second childfree group cruise! The site doesn’t tell you we’re going from Miami to the coast of Mexico. We stop at 4 ports and one of the cruise-lines award winning private island.

Prices range from upper $700’s to $1,100 pp. We may still have single cabins available too! (UNHEARD of in cruising!)

I still have cabins…. but hurry! They’re going fast!

People ask me, “Why a childfree group cruise”? Why? Because this is one vacation where you’ll meet like-minded people. Nobody will ask, “So? How many kids do YOU have”? Nobody will tell you you’re selfish, irresponsible or may regret the choice when it’s too late!

The beauty of this particular cruise line is they believe in “FREE AT SEA”. It’s similar to why we choose the childfree lifestyle. We prefer making our own choices, on our own time, without adhering to demands or boundaries. It’s a resort casual dress code at night. There are no first and second seatings as most other cruise-line’s require. You have 27 restaurants to choose from. On this cruise, you can choice the amenities you prefer: Specialty dining? Free Drinks? Tours in ports? Wifi? On-Board credit?

We get to meet each other in one meeting. I will speak and welcome you giving you what you need to know about the ship and the plans.

Then, it’s YOUR vacation! The activities on board are endless if you want that. Or, spend time in their thermal spa and veg out! (It’s an uncharge but well worth it as no kids under 18 are allowed.) Or, stay in the private childfree bar area with deck chair with hot tubs.  They only sell enough tickets to fit the amount of chairs they have there!

At night, you can dine together or dine alone, see a first rate Broadway show, dance, go to their ice bar, or enjoy the many other activities they have.

I’ll help to make this a childfree vacation to remember with friends you’ll have in your forever hearts!

Info:NOKIDCRUISE@gmail.com

 

November 16th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

WORDS? DO THEY MATTER?

I recently posted a poll asking how group members felt about the use of words such as crotch droppings, demon spawn, breeders, moos, mombies, etc. Overwhelmingly, the responses reflected that the group, at large, approved of or were not bothered by these words.

We have many childfree by choice who come here to feel acknowledged, supported and free to share their thoughts, feelings, and confessions. Many are rightfully fed up and angry at how they’ve been portrayed as “selfish”, “hedonistic”, or “doomed to regret their narcissistic choice”. Many are looking for a safe place to express their frustrations about a society that often isn’t kind to those who go against the status quo.

When I first “came out” as CF on “60 Minutes”, I felt anger at the response. I felt overwhelmed by what happened to me. Picket signs reading “GODLESS BITCH” directed at me made my skin crawl. Losing a beloved teaching job made me vomit with rage!

On the flip side, I’ve received some heartfelt personal PMs about the words and insults coming from our CF Internet family. We have some here that are childfree by fate. Many have now seen the light and have chosen to be childfree by choice but some are still working through the pain and confusion of not attaining the life they thought they were supposed to have.

Don’t we wish parents and the childless thought first before using hurtful words and attitudes towards us? Should we think first before using insulting language towards them? Is it helping our image and cause in the public eye? We are loving, beautiful, diverse people living a wonderful lifestyle that’s right for us. Take a moment to think about why we may have the inclination to use names such as “breeders”, “moos”, “crotch droppings”, “demon spawn”, etc.

Remember the positives of the CF lifestyle. Share the joys of not raising children. Share the anguish aimed at you from ignorant friends, family, and co-workers. Share articles and experiences that enlighten us.

We’re an Internet family of supportive childfree people. As in any accepting family, we want to be here for as many as we can. At least that’s what I hope to give to you here. The more we can show others what an awesome lifestyle we live, the better for all of us.

I ask you all to read and take to heart what I’m saying. If there are certain words or other content that truly bother you, please simply scroll past. I recognize this may not feel good for some of you. Although I feel sad if we lose anyone, I support your choice to find groups and pages that are right for you.

In conclusion, you are free to be yourselves on this closed site. I urge you, in public, or open Facebook sites, to be more careful of what you say and why you say it.

I love all of you.
Marcia Drut-Davis

October 6th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Not Mom Summit (and Childfree Lifestyle)

This Fall, in Cleveland Ohio, many women from all over the world will met. They are “not moms”. It’s a special summit to support, educate and honor the women who are not moms. Some will attend  because, without a doubt, they don’t want children. They embrace the childfree lifestyle without any reservations. Some will be there because they know they have genetic challenges and never want to place them in another human. Some will be there who have been labeled as “childless”. They are finally seeing the possibility that by changing from childless to childFREE, they no longer remain a victim of their bodies. Some are sitting on the fence; afraid to make the final choice fearing regrets.

All will join forces and enjoy the beauty of mingling with other not-moms in the same situation. They’ll be treated to many seminars and events to broaden their awareness of the limitless joys available as a not mom.  Honesty will be shared as to what challenges they may have and how to overcome them.

I’m honored, to be the first welcoming Keynote speaker at their first lunch. I plan to be inspirational, illuminating and supportive. I’ll share the infamous taped “60 Minutes” segment where I first announced I never wanted to have or raise children of my own. That was my first adventure into pronatalism. I lost my job as a dedicated teacher!

The documentary/movie “To KID or NOT to KID will be viewed together presented by Maxine Trump, the director. It will culminate in a joyous party of happy not moms where friendships were made, hearts were reached and support of the childfree-by-choice lifestyle is accepted.

The goal of the Not Mom Summit is to have the not-moms leave this summit with renewed energy and friendships to last a lifetime.

Marcia Drut-Davis/Author of “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”