Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
February 25th, 2016 by Marcia Davis

The Pain of Rejection

We all face rejection. It’s part of being human. It’s not enjoyable. A flood of emotions come up when we hear, “You’re wrong”! “Or, “I don’t like you.” We cringe and want to deflect that opinion.  We’re right. They’re wrong. Damn it.

Then comes the usual push and pull dance trying to prove our point. Words get more hostile. Emotions feel raw as if our heart has been attacked with a sharp knife. Blood pressure rises. Some may get their ugly face dissolving into tears of frustration. We can’t get through to them. Why can’t we get through to them?

After being on “60Minutes” announcing I never wanted to have or raise children, I was let go from my teaching Job. Mike Wallace ended that show with, “Pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s day. Good night everyone”. I was rejected as a perverse woman. How could I be an effective teacher when, in the minds of ignorant people, I never wanted to have children?  I must be a child hater. It never dawned on them to think how inaccurate that assumption could be. Just because people don’t want to have or raise kids doesn’t mean they hate children. Of course, had that been the truth, it would have been proven before then. Children would come home wailing or complaining that their teacher is awful. Instead, the principals and Board of Education had glowing letters of praise for my creative teaching skills and obvious love of helping their children.
That pain of that rejection had a far lasting legacy.  I was black listed from teaching for ten years until I remarried, changed my name and got back into teaching. I went on to be nominated by my peers to Walt Disney’s National Teacher of the Year. I lost. However, I felt honored for that nomination. It helped ease that pain of rejection but never stopped the loss I’ve suffered which, to this day, is reflected in my pension.

Rejection hurts, if we allow it. It seems more painful when it comes from family. We’ve heard blood is thicker than water. We’ve been lead to believe our family will be there for us. However, it’s a myth. Myths are created and perpetuated by assumptions. Reality changes that time after time. Many of my followers on Facebook have shared their heartfelt pain when their family rejected them for their personal choice to remain childfree. One woman told me her father told her he stopped her abortion! Now he felt it was a mistake as she would never give him grandchildren. Those words were catastrophic to hear. She asked me how can she stop the pain.

Here’s what I’ve learned. You can’t change people’s minds, misperceptions or expectations. They’re claimed by those who fiercely hold on to them. The only importance is how our own lives are affected. Is it painful to see we’re rejected for any personal thought, believe or lifestyle ? You bet it is. Can it lead us to feel sadness, hurt, or bewilderment? Sadly, yes. Might we even start re-thinking or asking ourselves if we need to change to fit into the accepted way of thinking?  It sure would be easier. But, would we lose who we are? Would that be the biggest loss to ourselves and those whose lives we could touch in a positive way?

Remember what I’ve learned as an aging woman. If we stay focused on the negative emotions, we remain a victim. If we let go, wish others well on their own paths, (sometimes, a bit daunting, I admit) we stand a chance to enjoy this awesome thing called life. It’s so ephemeral! Suddenly, you’re looking at the sands of time trickling down, down, down to what we know is the end. If this is the moment, be in it. Wrap your hearts around your own needs and wants. It’s not selfish. It’s loving yourself. Wish those who differ love and peace in their choices. Don’t argue. Don’t defend. Reach out to those who care. If it’s not that family you were born into, make your own. No! Not  by procreation. By choosing others who respect, love and treasure you in their lives.

I treasure you. I think of you as an extended family.I’m here for you if you need me.






January 16th, 2016 by Marcia Davis

2nd Annual Childfree Group Cruise!

Coming back after our first successful childfree group cruise, there was only one thing on my mind; I had to arrange this again.

The experiences we enjoyed will last a lifetime. The sharing in our private meetings touched our hearts. Laura Scott, author of, “Two IS Enough” was perfection as she helped many to see the beauty in the childfree lifestyle. We laughed, cried and enjoyed the splendor of a first class ship with all the amenities. I shared the infamous “60 Minutes” tape that caused me to lose my job.

The food was delicious. The service amazing, The itinerary was fun and varied. We’ll remember the warm, crystal blue waters of The Bahamas and Caribbean. JIm and I will remember kissing a dolphin in The Cayman Islands. Our cabins were spacious and comfortable.

It’s my pleasure to announce our second  annual cruise is now open for reservations.

We’ll have many more opportunities to meet with like minded people, hear awesome guest speakers and enjoy the itinerary to: The Virgin Island, Tortola and Nassau.

This time, it’s on Norwegian’s newest ship, The Escape.We leave December 10-17th from Miami, Florida, USA.

Here’s a link to their recent ad with Pitbull singing.(He’s the new spokesperson for The Escape!)

Catch the joy! Come with us next December.

Stay on  the video for the detailed tour of the ship and cabins.

Then, send me your name and email to for more info and pricing.

But hurry! Reservations are going fast.

See you on board for real hugs!

Marcia Drut-Davis


December 27th, 2015 by Marcia Davis

The Joys of a Childfree Group Cruise

Our first of what we hope to be annual childfree group cruises, was a huge success. Fourteen people met as strangers and left as extended family members
It took me an entire year to plan this, find the right cruise line, and get Laura Scott our awesome guest speaker.
The highlights of the cruise, as shared by the people attending, was first… the choice in using Norwegian Cruise Lines. Thanks to K&E International Travel and visiting the actual ship, “The Getaway”, it was a good choice. They embrace the freestyle cruising idea meaning, no first and second seatings for dining, no requirement of jackets or dressing every night and tons of choices on board. The food, service, cabins and entertainment were stellar. The shore excursions were fun. (So was staying on -board when everyone got off!)
The next best thing was simply meeting each other. There were two days at sea to meet as a group. Laura Scott, Author of “Two IS Enough: A Couples Guide to the Childfree Lifestyle” and “The Childfree Documentary”, was a fabulous supporter of teaching how to handle the naysayers who incorrectly label childfree people as selfish or immature. We laughed at some role playing and felt empathy for those who are shunned by family or friends.
I shared my “60 Minutes” taping from 1974 where, “pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s Day” was heard by Mike Wallace. Sadly, it was agreed that not much has changed! Laura shared a piece of her documentary.
When we met to say good by, we all agreed that a memory of a lifetime was created. For some, they will no longer fear saying they are childfree by choice. For others, they still must fear their truths as their professions may be in jeopardy.
I’m already planning another adventure for December of 2016. It will probably be on the newest NCL ship, The Escape. We already have the first speaker, Jesse Nochols who is a MAN! If remotely interested, place your name on the NOKIDCRUISE@ mailing list. It will be a first come, first served basis once I have the dates and cabins locked in. If you’re single, this cruise lines offers a single studio cabin! (Unheard of in other cruise lines.)

This site had been closed down due to a very bad hacking. It took months to get us back. We are back, proud and excited to reach your hearts.

Marcia Drut-Davis


July 14th, 2015 by Marcia Davis


It’s official. I’m super excited to announce we have a HAPPY2BCHILDFREE group cruise on a luxurious Norwegian Cruise-line. this December 2015.

Picture this: a deliciously fun experience with like-minded people who’ll never ask, “Why don’t you have kids?” Add to this, the authors: Laura Carroll, “The Baby Matrix”, Laura Scott, “Two Is Enough” and me, Marcia Drut-Davis, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”. We’ll have a few private meetings on board when we’re out at sea.  Panel discussions, airing of my infamous “60 Minutes” experience, viewing of  “The Childfree Project” by Laura Scott and talking with our authors will be inspiring and illuminating. Evenings will be in their awesome theater, voted the best of cruising, or dancing, or gambling or enjoying new friendships. The other times, in port, we’ll have a private land excursion company assuring us a childfree group! (No cattle call from the liner with kids!)

Info can be had by emailing me at:  I’ll send you a lot to read from that gmail address. You’ll have questions.  If I can’t answer them, our travel agency K&E will be a great help with Margie, who is a cruise “maven”.  There are additional taxes and fees but very small. Land excursions are extra. NCL will offer a FREE drink package,  FREE specialty dining every night, 75.00 land excursion credit per port or FREE wifi packages. (You just read that right.) (wink)

Additionally, single people may be able to get a studio inside cabin just for yourself with no added costs as most other cruise-lines charge! They’ll be the first to go.

So……..come with us. Don’t wait too long as cabins are going fast. I’ll send you a link to tour the ship, virtually. Let’s make memories to last a lifetime. Having fought cancer and won, I’ve learned the importance of being with like-minded friends and relishing the joy of fun experiences. I have hugs waiting!

Love you all,

Jim and Marcia



Marcia Drut-Davis

January 30th, 2015 by Marcia Davis


You just read that right. All through last year, fighting cancer, I kept thinking when I won the battle of this awful disease, I wanted to meet the many childfree-by-choice people who have shown their love, support and gratitude. This is the opportunity I dreamed about. I’m working with a wonderful travel agency , K&E International, who got us a deal you can’t refuse!

The cruise leaves December 6-13, out of Miami, Florida to The Caribbean. It stops for a full day in a privately owned NCL island, the Cayman Islands, Jamaica and Cozumel.

Imagine being with like minded people who’ll never ask you, “How many kids to you have?” Or when you answer, will never say, “Why? or, “How selfish!”

The speaker we’re having on board is stellar in the land of the childfree: LAURA SCOTT, the author of, “Two Is Enough” will be with us!

What fun we’ll have not to mention the cruise line itself! It’s the luxurious NCL GETAWAY. It’s only one year old! You won’t believe it’s beauty and what it offers on board. The on-land excursions are guaranteed to be childfree as we have our own land agency for that! All stops on the itinerary offer a full day of fun unlike many cruise ships who only dock for a few hours!

If you’re interested …HURRY! Email me Say you heard about this from my blog! I’ll attach all the exciting info.  We only have a certain amount of of saved cabins at the price offered. We have more inquiries than cabins! All the cabins around me and Jim are already booked. ( Steve Harvey hawked this ship on a recent TV show with on-board videos!)

Much love to all. Hope to see you on-board and helping to make a memory we’ll long remember.

Marcia Drut-Davis


December 13th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Childfree By Choice Among Gays/Lesbians.

Recently, it came to my attention  how much pressure gay and lesbian people feel to have children. And why not? When the ideal picture of a family is having the addition of at least one child, they’re under the same cultural

incentives/myths to go forth and multiply.

Since biologically they can’t, they’re often  made to feel  they should search out a surrogate, or explore in-vitro, sperm donors and adoption. They’re not to be thought of as a couple without them!

If they’re “out” and in a committed relationship, it get’s worse. Apparently that perfect ideal of happiness is to have a child at all costs! Even after the wedding, in the states where it’s acceptable, there are the not- so -subtle

hints of adding a baby to fulfill their lives. Without that child, the couple is lacking something

In the past, we were influenced by many TV shows extolling the joys of having children. Ah yes! “The Brady Bunch” were so happy together as a blended family of eight children with a nanny. All worries or challenges were

accomplished within a half hour time frame. Very realistic! It was applauded by the many advertisers and people turning in to see the show. After viewing, it left them with  more pronatal yearnings to have more kids!

Now, we have “Modern Family” where a gay couple adopts a daughter who gives them such feelings of joy and accomplishment even though she can be a pain in the ass.

On my facebook blog, I recently corresponded with a gay man who shared how much he appreciated my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” ( My facebook site:

is another support network he enjoys. Being constantly inundated by friends and family trying to get him to think about having children gets old.

I’m so proud and delighted to have a place in his heart. He’s wished a beautiful, fulfilling and healthy life. I hope he continues to make his own choices with as much pride and dignity as any parent.






November 17th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

George Carlin Rants Re: “Children”

October 27th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Interview With A Childfree Man


Interviewed by Marcia Drut-Davis

Author, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”

From time to time, I’ll be happy to interview people from our childfree facebook and blog family.

The interview is about one man and does not reflect all childfree men or my own beliefs.

And, we who know about being condemned for our personal choices and or lifestyle, know it’s important for Victor to feel free to express himself.

Here’s our first:

Meet Victor “Greywolf”. He’s outspoken, brutally honest and offers insightful reactions to being childfree-by-choice. Fasten your seatbelts!

Marcia: You’re a single CF man. When did you know you never wanted to be a father?


It was something ALWAYS there. However it started to be prevalent in 2010 when I was about 36. I was finishing a recording certificate at a local community college. I realized my art was stagnant.

Financially I wasn’t really getting anywhere. I knew having kids would financially burden me, not to mention the fact that I’ve never really gotten along with kids. Kids just turned me off.

I hated witnessing temper tantrums. I detested teen vandals running around. (I’ve had too many bad experiences with kids vandalizings!)

Also with shows such as: Surviving Evil, Obsession Dark Desire and Who The Bleep Did I Marry, I felt disgusted with the whole notion of it. It was something I just couldn’t stand to have in my life.

I know a lot of people say, “Kids are a great thing”. For me, it’s more of a hassle and not worth the trouble.

Marcia: How old are you now?


I’m 40.

Marcia: Is it easy or difficult to find a life partner or is that not one of your goals?


I would say or categorize it as kind of a mixture of the two. I mean, I’ve met SOME women who were willing to be my partner, but later found it was either a joke, or they were saying what they thought I wanted to hear.

I’m also told I’m vocally shocking and abrasive in other things. Go figure. But I won’t give up.

There must be a woman who likes the honesty and finds it a relief that I won’t refrain from sharing raw feelings, right?


I enjoy seeing you reply on many posts from this childfree site. I admit, sometimes your use of language is shocking.

And that’s you. What do you enjoy about this CF site? Do you think we need support for the childfree? Why?


Well, it’s nice to see people not giving a damn about those little burdens. I enjoy seeing posts about fast food places with commercials women claim are ‘too sexual’ and ‘thinking of the children’.

For me, it’s a great source of comedic material, since I feel the mothers shouting the loudest aren’t getting any, due to their lousy performances in bed or too much time with their kids. (LOL)

It’s also nice to see people talking about something OTHER than kids. We need all the support we can get. Why? Why not? Kids aren’t the future, kids are the reason we need birth control.

Maybe if we stop reproducing enough, then we can rebuild the earth and improve everything. Instead of depending on kids, we should stop trying to wait for them, and improve things ourselves right now.


Many times, you seem angry. Can you share why or is it too personal?


I feel I shouldn’t be stigmatized to share my anger, especially with all the problems out there, and things that are happening as a result of out of control reproducing.

If only we could make people who are promoting breeding shut their traps about reproducing such as: politicians, religious leaders, traditionalists.

Most of those “heart warming” stories about children are often based on fantasia, not reality, especially since a lot of people do believe that sitcoms show the ideal life.

As quoted from the movie,  “The Cable Guy” “reality isn’t, “Father Knows Best” anymore.” I don’t believe it ever was.

And the beat goes on in “Married with Children”, “Parenthood” and “Malcolm In The Middle”.  (Don’t watch them. Just know of them.)

Although they deal with a lot of real life situations it’s always with the children being worth it in the end.


What qualities are you looking for in a life-partner other than being childfree-by- choice?


I would like a woman who isn’t jealous or possessive. Someone who is like a combination of Jenna Jameson, or Marilyn Chambers, along with someone who I can relate to, who is also into the same things I enjoy.

I want a woman who has her own money and is her own person. She should have her own interests too so we can enjoy alone time. It’s hard to find those women, since most women are conventional.

That’s why it’s so hard to find a life partner! I would also like a woman who lets a man be, and does her thing. She has to be open about herself, not mysterious.

Also, she has to be someone who isn’t afraid to let me be who I am, and not be angry if I like certain things she doesn’t. I guess if she was a bit of an exhibitionist, that wouldn’t hurt either, or into the swinger’s lifestyle.

(I found out the hard way, monogamous relationships at times lead to jealousy.) I know! I know! It’s almost impossible to find a woman with these attributes.

My ideal woman will be an inspiration to me, not a reason to run away from her. She doesn’t have to be in playboy, or penthouse, or hustler, but would do it in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose.

I don’t want a bully either who will get mad over every little thing, but someone who won’t be afraid of life. It wouldn’t hurt if she was older, or had menopause.

I’m also an atheist. Religious women wouldn’t do well with me or me with them. Finally, drum roll, she must embrace childfreedom forever.


Can you tell us a bit about what you’re doing now?


I’m a general artist who’s a filmmaker. You can look up the Nevada Film Festival 2009-2011. Check out: Las Vegas, 2012 gold and silver Ace Awards, and the RXSm cyber jurors.

I’m a comic book artist. I have my own anti-hero series. I’m writing and drawing a female character in a spin off of my anti hero series.

I’m also a former open mike night comic with 2 (count them 2) albums on CD baby, and a martial artist.

I just completed a straight to video “talking head” (film festival term, where a person is performing a monologue throughout or partially through the movie).

I’m working on my next issue of my comic book. I also narrated an unpublished children’s book, and was a producer and extra for a while.

Currently, I’m working on trying to make another type of film, as well as a third spoken CD. I write and draw cards for a non-profit place.

I just got a guitar and am learning to play. I may make a music CD. I’m planning to learn some more martial arts soon. Soon, I hope to do a day in the life of Victor movie!


Do you have a best friend? Who is she/he?


Do I have a best friend?  Just my dogs.


I want to thank Victor for this candid, at times raw, bold and honest sharing of his childfree life. He’s given permission to include his address if anyone wants to contact him:

P.O. Box 2172, Palatine, IL 60078-2172.

I look forward to learning more about others in our community. If you’re interested in sharing, let me know!


October 14th, 2014 by Marcia Davis


I’ve been away from this blog fighting cancer. I’m back… having won the fight!

Soon, you’ll be reading interviews about people following me from my facebook site:

The first will be one of our men. It will be a fascinating share of being childfree….. from his perspective.



August 25th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

How To Tell People You Don’t Want Kids.

In this blog, I hope to give you pointers to stop any confrontation to remain childfree by choice. Remember, most of the time, people will mean well. They chose to have children. Many of them are happy. The ones who aren’t will rarely tell you that but want you to suffer along.


1.Your goal isn’t to defend a personal choice.

Just like parents are rarely made to defend their choice, neither should you. A simple statement saying you prefer the childfree -by -choice lifestyle is all that’s necessary. Don’t go into details or pronounce how much you love kids when you may or may not.  Don’t explain the myriad of reasons parenting turns you off cold. In my opinion, it’s none of their business. If you start getting the “BUT,BUT, BUTS, ask this question: “Are you happy being a parent?” Most often they’ll reply with exuberance, “YES!” Say, “That’s exactly how I feel. Happy!” If you get the,”You’ll change your mind or you’ll regret this someday”, say, “You may be right!” Then, walk away or change the conversation.  If they say,”Isn’t that selfish?” Your answer is, “You may be right”. Change the conversation again. Get the picture?

Ask yourself if you have to win that conversation about not having or raising children? If anger is created and you feel your blood boiling because of others ignorance, “You may be right” then walk away! You can go home to the peace of your lifestyle. They can’t. (Off the record, if by any small chance they ARE right, I would rather regret not having children than having them.)

2. Timing is everything. 

Pick the right time to be truthful. If you’re feeling annoyed at work, that’s NOT the right time. If you’re not feeling well, that’s not the right time. If there are more of “them” and less of your supporters, that’s not the right time. If you’re sitting at the Thanksgiving Table and the whole family starts attacking, revert to, “You may be right”. Then, change the topic!

The best time is face to face, in a private place in a quiet environment.


3.Once you tell the truth, you’ll feel happier.

In my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” on Page 55,  I wrote: “We breathed easier after telling my in-laws the truth: they finally knew we weren’t going to have children. It was as if pounds of worry and frustration had fallen away.” Of course you won’t be on a nationally  televised TV show like I was on “60 Minutes”. You won’t be threatened with death and lose your job as a teacher as I was.

When you’re considered to be an “other” in any society, it’s difficult for you and those who go with the expected flow. Each feels the need to be right. Neither are. It’s a choice with consequences for both decisions. The added difficulty is for those who fear telling the truth. Sometimes, you have to be careful because I know what losing a job means to me now, at 71. My lower pension reflects those years I was blacklisted!  And, at the same time, if you are fired for making a personal life choice, affecting nobody but yourself, an attorney would be there in a nanno-second.

Telling the truth gives you back control. You’re no longer a victim of cultural or religious influences. It’s freeing, and comforting to you. Why shouldn’t you feel as proud as any parent? Why should’t you live in truth and not fear of rejection? If you’re rejected, consider the source! Were they worthy of your connection in the first place? If it’s family who are supposed to be there you forever, that’s a myth. We’re  born into family. Many family members would not be our choice of friends if they lived next door! If it’s a friend, have they really been a “friend” is you’re rejected?  We can choose our own family of friends, neighbors, co-workers, or organizations that give us respect.

Tell the truth! You’ll love the feeling if it’s done with pride and understanding of your own boundaries.