Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
December 13th, 2014

Childfree By Choice Among Gays/Lesbians.

Recently, it came to my attention  how much pressure gay and lesbian people feel to have children. And why not? When the ideal picture of a family is having the addition of at least one child, they’re under the same cultural

incentives/myths to go forth and multiply.

Since biologically they can’t, they’re often  made to feel  they should search out a surrogate, or explore in-vitro, sperm donors and adoption. They’re not to be thought of as a couple without them!

If they’re “out” and in a committed relationship, it get’s worse. Apparently that perfect ideal of happiness is to have a child at all costs! Even after the wedding, in the states where it’s acceptable, there are the not- so -subtle

hints of adding a baby to fulfill their lives. Without that child, the couple is lacking something

In the past, we were influenced by many TV shows extolling the joys of having children. Ah yes! “The Brady Bunch” were so happy together as a blended family of eight children with a nanny. All worries or challenges were

accomplished within a half hour time frame. Very realistic! It was applauded by the many advertisers and people turning in to see the show. After viewing, it left them with  more pronatal yearnings to have more kids!

Now, we have “Modern Family” where a gay couple adopts a daughter who gives them such feelings of joy and accomplishment even though she can be a pain in the ass.

On my facebook blog, I recently corresponded with a gay man who shared how much he appreciated my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” ( My facebook site:

is another support network he enjoys. Being constantly inundated by friends and family trying to get him to think about having children gets old.

I’m so proud and delighted to have a place in his heart. He’s wished a beautiful, fulfilling and healthy life. I hope he continues to make his own choices with as much pride and dignity as any parent.