Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
July 29th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

First Guest Post

Guest Blog Post:

Why Do People Question the Childfree Lifestyle?

We live in the year 2017. Ideally, we should be more open-minded and accepting of diverse lifestyle choices.  I have one question to ask… “If you’re someone who questioned an individual about why they chose the childfree lifestyle, why did you do it?” Keep that question in mind and kindly hear me out.

Ever since I was a kid, I never wanted my own children.  It never appealed to me. Yet almost everyone I knew had them. I thought it was something everyone did. I feared growing up because I thought parenting was inevitable for me. The thought terrified me.

I had to do volunteer hours in order to graduate high school. These volunteer hours included day care working with young children. I found myself extremely withdrawn, and frankly, very irritable because I didn’t want to be there. I expressed these feelings and was told, “It’s different if it’s your own kids. You’ll change your mind”. Or, my favorite one: “You’re young. What do you know?” The idea of kids was always presented as such a beautiful thing.

Fast-forwarding a couple years. I found myself away from home and living in shelters due to unfortunate circumstances. During this time, I endured a fair amount of emotional trauma. One particularly ugly event was being sexually assaulted. I was able to defend myself and get away with no physical harm done. However, psychologically, deep, emotional scars formed.

There were many sleepless nights with “what ifs”. One of these “what ifs” included the thought of, “what if he succeeded in assaulting me and got me pregnant?” I had a rude awakening in the sense that I learned not all pregnancy happens under ideal circumstances and needless to say it scared the hell out of me.

During my time in the shelters, I met a lot of women who had or were expecting kids. Some were very good mothers; others are very disengaged. Some of their kids were terribly neglected or not given proper care. I wondered if they chose parenting because it was something everyone did.

Reflecting on my childhood, I didn’t want to be responsible for someone else’s suffering. I wasn’t parent material! At least by choosing a childfree lifestyle, only I’m affected. If I had a child and still found myself withdrawn, I’m not only impacting myself, but another life too.

I got myself out of that life on the streets and into a job and good environment. Of course I had problems adjusting and feeling like I belonged with the rest of society.  Eventually, I overcame those things. However, the memories of what I saw in the shelters never left me. Some are positive. Others are negative. Positive, in the sense of what I learned. Negative in the way that some of them are really unpleasant.

I met a guy and we were together for 5 years. We had a pretty good relationship where we could goof off and laugh with each other. It was comfortable. Three years in and the topic of children came up. He really wanted them and I didn’t. We spent 2 years debating with each other over the subject. Others around me continually told me the same clichés of, “you’ll change your mind if you love him”.

Though you may think you’re being helpful or insightful by explaining your take on why I should breed, you’re actually doing quite the opposite. To a person like myself, who chooses a childfree lifestyle, it sounds like you’re bullying me. Every time you do that, I feel as though I’m backed into a corner. Trust me, it’s not a nice feeling.

He and I decided to split since neither of us was going to change our minds. It sucked saying goodbye. However it was also freeing for me.  Letting go of that relationship was one less thing backing me into that corner.

I still get those clichés thrown at me. You know….the selfish, irresponsible, unloving, uncaring meaningless life I’m facing choosing the childfree lifestyle. My favorite cliché is still, “You’re young. What do you know?”. Answer: a lot more then you’re giving me credit for.

So? What can you do?

Before you go ahead and question a person’s choice, I urge you to think about the can of worms you’re potentially opening up. For those who still choose ignorance feeling everyone’s destiny is to procreate, there’s already enough ignorance in the world. You don’t need to add to it. If you’re unwilling to listen to what someone else has to say, then don’t ask!

I’m proud to be childfree by choice. I look forward to helping others on this planet and enjoying my life to the best of my ability. I’m not better or worse than you. I’m me. Please leave my personal choices alone as I’ll leave yours alone too.

July 21st, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Childfree Musings

Many of you know about me from my first book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman: A Life Spent Swimming against The Mainstream”, Amazon.

It was an adventure into raw realities involved in purging or venting my personal story. Some days (or nights) I would sit at my computer, stare at the keyboard and feel there wasn’t one word I

could share.

Other times, my words exploded like a cannon. I felt good. I felt proud until my editor, Justine, from said the 6 letter word I dreaded,”REVISE!”

It took almost three years of writing to have the final accomplishment in my hands and hopefully, yours.

Looking back, it was worth every agony and every rejection I met to receive the outpouring of love and support for my memoir.

I know that feeling because reading the first book about the childfree lifestyle I got, “The Baby Trap”, by Ellen Peck, set me free to be proud of being a non-parent.

(Later, non-parent was changed to “childfree”.)

When my editor suggested it may be time to update my memoir, I agreed. However, it wasn’t long before we knew I was gestating another book.

The birth of book 2 is now eminent. Without a doubt, I’m humbled and honored to feel it will help more of my childfree family.

Today, I finished a chapter that had me crying.

It wasn’t  because I heard the word, “REVISE” from Justine. It was because she said, “Marcia, this is the best writing I’ve seen from you”.

The interesting fact about the chapter is… it’s about you! You are the brave people who stepped up to share your innermost feelings with me. You are the ones who took a chance, even from

countries where you may face the wrath of others. You are the ones who inspired me to see how much we still need to make this a viable respected lifestyle allover the world!

I’m still breathless with feeling humbled and excited in writing this book and seeing the end in sight. I can’t wait to let you know it’s birthed.

The one thing I want you to know, is how much we need to keep on keeping on to feel pride in our awesome lifestyle choice. I would urge you to find something your heart can connect to knowing

you’re affecting the lives of others for the better. And, if it’s simply our own life, that’s also wonderful.



April 10th, 2017 by Marcia Davis


This may be one of those highlights of my 74 years on this planet.

I’m the keynote opening speaker for the wonderful and wonder-filled NOTMOMSUMMIT Oct, 6-8th in Cleveland Ohio.

Without a doubt, those who attend will leave with a renewed and inspirational excitement for the childfree lifestyle.

Those sitting on the fence will hear why it may be a good idea to jump off that fence and wrap your hearts around a way to happiness you never imagined.

Those who can’t have children, shouldn’t have children or don’t want to have children will be shown love,

respect and how to overcome feelings of rejection from friends, family and co-workers who may mean well

but are only perpetuating the myths they’ve been lead to believe is an assumed biological destiny for all.

I’m honored and overwhelmed at the opportunities I have with the other presenters to reach your hearts.

I also look forward to meeting as many of my peeps as I can!

Marcia Drut-Davis

January 3rd, 2017 by Marcia Davis


Why a Group Cruise?
Here are some of the reasons:
Reduced Fares and a Tremendous Value
Cruises are virtually all-inclusive vacations. One price includes all accommodations, meals, many activities on board the ship, and entertainment. By traveling as a group, we’ll qualify for special group discounts and rates.
Hassle-Free Vacation
With a Group Cruise, you unpack once and let the ship’s crew do the rest.
Multi-Interest Floating Resorts
Our cruise ship offer something for everyone regardless of their interests or personality. There’s plenty to keep every member of the group entertained.
Accommodations for Any Budget
We still have a number of different types of staterooms for any budget including: inside cabins, suites, balcony staterooms, and ocean view staterooms.

We also have “The Haven” with a private butler, restaurant, spa privileges and awesome additional amenities!
Group Dining
There’s maximum flexibility available for group dining on our cruise ship. Our group can elect to dine together or choose independent dining options.
Award Winning Entertainment
Our cruise ship offers first-rate award winning Broadway and Las Vegas-style musical revues; comedians; magic shows; piano bars; high energy discos; and live music to keep us entertained from sun down to sun up. The casino is also fun. You can use your on board credit there!
Fun & Getting to Know Each Other
A Group Cruise gives us a chance to share a common experience, which is choosing the childfree lifestyle and never hearing, “So? How many kids do you have? Our group activities like our private dinners first and last nights at sea, late night fun, and festivities will help us get to know one another.
High Satisfaction Vacations
Cruises have the highest guest satisfaction rating in the entire travel industry. Cruise Line studies show that groups that travel together on a cruise will return again as a group within two years of their first trip. We’ll be doing this on our Get-A-Way NCL cruise along the Mexican Coast, December 3-10th, 2017! Our special group pricing and amenities ends soon. Will you be with us?


Love you all,
Marcia Drut-Davis

December 5th, 2016 by Marcia Davis

Holiday Thoughts

It’s that time of the year again. I recently saw a post from a childfree couple who “lost it” for this holiday season. The questioned whether or not having children or grandkids had any influence.
I sighed. Then, thought how their choice of the words “lost it” could easily change with the words, “got it back”.
Holiday excitement can be very taxing on childfree couples if at every party they’re asked when they will settle down,  or if they feel lonely not having kids during the holidays. It’s simply pronatalistic myths.
Many people share with me the delight they have in decorating their homes. Indeed, many are single. Some have animals. Others have a life-partner. They love decorating, hosting parties, going to parties and feeling the delicious freedom not having kids gives to us.
You see? It’s the choices we make in our thoughts creating the feelings we have. Instead of having “lost it” for the holidays and wondering if having had kids would make it different, I suggest having gratitude for what you CAN do without having those kids or grandkids. Here’s a list:
1. Decorate and dance to your favorite music naked! Nobody will fault you. (Close the blinds or shades!)
2. Invite friends to your home! Maybe those neighbors who have kids who AREN’T visiting them?
3. Plan a trip! Go! Enjoy! (Come with us on a nokid group cruise next year!)
4. Go out for a lovely dinner and sleep late the next AM because you can. Parents can’t!
5. Volunteer at a local shelter or soup kitchen.
6. See if there’s a need at BOYS and GIRLS Clubs! Many come from homes where they can’t afford any decorations.
7. Watch those sappy holiday movies while munching on your favorite goodies, chocolate or sipping your favorite wine or drinks.
8. Go to the local mall. They usually have a tree with needy people asking for gifts on them for their kids.(Aren’t you happy you’re not them?)
9. Visit a children’s wing at any hospital and ask how you can help. (Aren’t you glad you’re not there for your own kids or grandkids?)
10. Have gratitude for your own delights, the people who give you joy and the fun of this season. CELEBRATE! DECORATE!

Happy holidays to all!

July 22nd, 2016 by Marcia Davis

It’s Another Childfree Group Cruise, 2017

The memories from our first gala cruise still linger. Now, we want to add more memories with another opportunity to be with like-minded people. You’ll never hear, “So? How many kids do you have?”
We leave on Dec 3, 2017 (That’s over a year and a half from now!) We cruise on the same ship: NCL’S Getaway down the Mexican Riviera coast stopping at Roatan Bay Islands, Harvest Caye, Belize, Costa Maya and Cozumel. You can purchase shore excursions to see the Mayan Ruins, take a thrilling ZIP line experience, swim, snorkel on a private island or kiss a dolphin.
Pricing starts at 489.00 pp for an Inside cabin. (You just read that right.) For more pricing on ocean view cabins and balconies and The Haven, a ship within a ship with a butler…go to I’ll attach information. But hurry. These prices and first choice cabins will go back to NCL on 9/14/2016.
You’ll also get 4 specialty dining meals FREE and 75.00 per cabin on board credit.
Only 50.00 assures you a place. 125.00 pp gets your name on your chosen cabin. All money is refundable up to 120 days from sailing.
Singles can purchase a studio cabin and not have to pay double as all other cruise ships insist upon. They are going fast!
Hoping to give and get hugs on a trip to make a lifetime memory.
Marcia Drut-Davis

April 9th, 2016 by Marcia Davis

Facing Another Mother’s Day!

Mother’s Day is approaching. I remember my mom. She was wonderful. However, it was a crapshoot. I won. Many don’t. Many are born to women lured into the myth of being a mother. From the time their first doll is placed, they’re filled with the game of being a mommy.
It’s not a game. It’s a choice too many take for granted without any clue of reality. There are no courses, exams or honest revelations about mothering. Because of pronatalism, which exalts the status of parenting in the media, arts, music and society, women dive in for that exalted title. Many never stop to question, “Am I parent material? Do I have enough money to raise a child? Do I know what the lifestyle really means? Would I be happier not raising children?”
If we’re honest, some should never be a mother.
I’m against Mother’s Day. I applaud those doing a good job in their profession as a parent. What? Mothering a profession? In my opinion, if it were thought of that way, there would be happier children and parents. Child abuse could be diminished. Sadly, the ones who say, ”I don’t want to be a mother” are often shunned, maligned or deemed to be immature, destined to change their minds. Or, worse yet, destined to regret their selfish choice. The ones who face infertility are seen as barren, doomed to face a life of incompleteness. We can never mention that many parents may have regrets too.
For me, I celebrate the freedom to carefully make life choices. If mothering equals nurturing, then I’ve done that. I’ve nurtured those I taught, my rescued dog, garden, husband and best of all, myself. Selfish? No. Smart. I happily, without any regrets at 73, chose the childfree lifestyle.

February 25th, 2016 by Marcia Davis

The Pain of Rejection

We all face rejection. It’s part of being human. It’s not enjoyable. A flood of emotions come up when we hear, “You’re wrong”! “Or, “I don’t like you.” We cringe and want to deflect that opinion.  We’re right. They’re wrong. Damn it.

Then comes the usual push and pull dance trying to prove our point. Words get more hostile. Emotions feel raw as if our heart has been attacked with a sharp knife. Blood pressure rises. Some may get their ugly face dissolving into tears of frustration. We can’t get through to them. Why can’t we get through to them?

After being on “60Minutes” announcing I never wanted to have or raise children, I was let go from my teaching Job. Mike Wallace ended that show with, “Pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s day. Good night everyone”. I was rejected as a perverse woman. How could I be an effective teacher when, in the minds of ignorant people, I never wanted to have children?  I must be a child hater. It never dawned on them to think how inaccurate that assumption could be. Just because people don’t want to have or raise kids doesn’t mean they hate children. Of course, had that been the truth, it would have been proven before then. Children would come home wailing or complaining that their teacher is awful. Instead, the principals and Board of Education had glowing letters of praise for my creative teaching skills and obvious love of helping their children.
That pain of that rejection had a far lasting legacy.  I was black listed from teaching for ten years until I remarried, changed my name and got back into teaching. I went on to be nominated by my peers to Walt Disney’s National Teacher of the Year. I lost. However, I felt honored for that nomination. It helped ease that pain of rejection but never stopped the loss I’ve suffered which, to this day, is reflected in my pension.

Rejection hurts, if we allow it. It seems more painful when it comes from family. We’ve heard blood is thicker than water. We’ve been lead to believe our family will be there for us. However, it’s a myth. Myths are created and perpetuated by assumptions. Reality changes that time after time. Many of my followers on Facebook have shared their heartfelt pain when their family rejected them for their personal choice to remain childfree. One woman told me her father told her he stopped her abortion! Now he felt it was a mistake as she would never give him grandchildren. Those words were catastrophic to hear. She asked me how can she stop the pain.

Here’s what I’ve learned. You can’t change people’s minds, misperceptions or expectations. They’re claimed by those who fiercely hold on to them. The only importance is how our own lives are affected. Is it painful to see we’re rejected for any personal thought, believe or lifestyle ? You bet it is. Can it lead us to feel sadness, hurt, or bewilderment? Sadly, yes. Might we even start re-thinking or asking ourselves if we need to change to fit into the accepted way of thinking?  It sure would be easier. But, would we lose who we are? Would that be the biggest loss to ourselves and those whose lives we could touch in a positive way?

Remember what I’ve learned as an aging woman. If we stay focused on the negative emotions, we remain a victim. If we let go, wish others well on their own paths, (sometimes, a bit daunting, I admit) we stand a chance to enjoy this awesome thing called life. It’s so ephemeral! Suddenly, you’re looking at the sands of time trickling down, down, down to what we know is the end. If this is the moment, be in it. Wrap your hearts around your own needs and wants. It’s not selfish. It’s loving yourself. Wish those who differ love and peace in their choices. Don’t argue. Don’t defend. Reach out to those who care. If it’s not that family you were born into, make your own. No! Not  by procreation. By choosing others who respect, love and treasure you in their lives.

I treasure you. I think of you as an extended family.I’m here for you if you need me.






January 16th, 2016 by Marcia Davis

2nd Annual Childfree Group Cruise!

Coming back after our first successful childfree group cruise, there was only one thing on my mind; I had to arrange this again.

The experiences we enjoyed will last a lifetime. The sharing in our private meetings touched our hearts. Laura Scott, author of, “Two IS Enough” was perfection as she helped many to see the beauty in the childfree lifestyle. We laughed, cried and enjoyed the splendor of a first class ship with all the amenities. I shared the infamous “60 Minutes” tape that caused me to lose my job.

The food was delicious. The service amazing, The itinerary was fun and varied. We’ll remember the warm, crystal blue waters of The Bahamas and Caribbean. JIm and I will remember kissing a dolphin in The Cayman Islands. Our cabins were spacious and comfortable.

It’s my pleasure to announce our second  annual cruise is now open for reservations.

We’ll have many more opportunities to meet with like minded people, hear awesome guest speakers and enjoy the itinerary to: The Virgin Island, Tortola and Nassau.

This time, it’s on Norwegian’s newest ship, The Escape.We leave December 10-17th from Miami, Florida, USA.

Here’s a link to their recent ad with Pitbull singing.(He’s the new spokesperson for The Escape!)

Catch the joy! Come with us next December.

Stay on  the video for the detailed tour of the ship and cabins.

Then, send me your name and email to for more info and pricing.

But hurry! Reservations are going fast.

See you on board for real hugs!

Marcia Drut-Davis


December 27th, 2015 by Marcia Davis

The Joys of a Childfree Group Cruise

Our first of what we hope to be annual childfree group cruises, was a huge success. Fourteen people met as strangers and left as extended family members
It took me an entire year to plan this, find the right cruise line, and get Laura Scott our awesome guest speaker.
The highlights of the cruise, as shared by the people attending, was first… the choice in using Norwegian Cruise Lines. Thanks to K&E International Travel and visiting the actual ship, “The Getaway”, it was a good choice. They embrace the freestyle cruising idea meaning, no first and second seatings for dining, no requirement of jackets or dressing every night and tons of choices on board. The food, service, cabins and entertainment were stellar. The shore excursions were fun. (So was staying on -board when everyone got off!)
The next best thing was simply meeting each other. There were two days at sea to meet as a group. Laura Scott, Author of “Two IS Enough: A Couples Guide to the Childfree Lifestyle” and “The Childfree Documentary”, was a fabulous supporter of teaching how to handle the naysayers who incorrectly label childfree people as selfish or immature. We laughed at some role playing and felt empathy for those who are shunned by family or friends.
I shared my “60 Minutes” taping from 1974 where, “pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s Day” was heard by Mike Wallace. Sadly, it was agreed that not much has changed! Laura shared a piece of her documentary.
When we met to say good by, we all agreed that a memory of a lifetime was created. For some, they will no longer fear saying they are childfree by choice. For others, they still must fear their truths as their professions may be in jeopardy.
I’m already planning another adventure for December of 2016. It will probably be on the newest NCL ship, The Escape. We already have the first speaker, Jesse Nochols who is a MAN! If remotely interested, place your name on the NOKIDCRUISE@ mailing list. It will be a first come, first served basis once I have the dates and cabins locked in. If you’re single, this cruise lines offers a single studio cabin! (Unheard of in other cruise lines.)

This site had been closed down due to a very bad hacking. It took months to get us back. We are back, proud and excited to reach your hearts.

Marcia Drut-Davis