Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
November 16th, 2017

WORDS? DO THEY MATTER?

I recently posted a poll asking how group members felt about the use of words such as crotch droppings, demon spawn, breeders, moos, mombies, etc. Overwhelmingly, the responses reflected that the group, at large, approved of or were not bothered by these words.

We have many childfree by choice who come here to feel acknowledged, supported and free to share their thoughts, feelings, and confessions. Many are rightfully fed up and angry at how they’ve been portrayed as “selfish”, “hedonistic”, or “doomed to regret their narcissistic choice”. Many are looking for a safe place to express their frustrations about a society that often isn’t kind to those who go against the status quo.

When I first “came out” as CF on “60 Minutes”, I felt anger at the response. I felt overwhelmed by what happened to me. Picket signs reading “GODLESS BITCH” directed at me made my skin crawl. Losing a beloved teaching job made me vomit with rage!

On the flip side, I’ve received some heartfelt personal PMs about the words and insults coming from our CF Internet family. We have some here that are childfree by fate. Many have now seen the light and have chosen to be childfree by choice but some are still working through the pain and confusion of not attaining the life they thought they were supposed to have.

Don’t we wish parents and the childless thought first before using hurtful words and attitudes towards us? Should we think first before using insulting language towards them? Is it helping our image and cause in the public eye? We are loving, beautiful, diverse people living a wonderful lifestyle that’s right for us. Take a moment to think about why we may have the inclination to use names such as “breeders”, “moos”, “crotch droppings”, “demon spawn”, etc.

Remember the positives of the CF lifestyle. Share the joys of not raising children. Share the anguish aimed at you from ignorant friends, family, and co-workers. Share articles and experiences that enlighten us.

We’re an Internet family of supportive childfree people. As in any accepting family, we want to be here for as many as we can. At least that’s what I hope to give to you here. The more we can show others what an awesome lifestyle we live, the better for all of us.

I ask you all to read and take to heart what I’m saying. If there are certain words or other content that truly bother you, please simply scroll past. I recognize this may not feel good for some of you. Although I feel sad if we lose anyone, I support your choice to find groups and pages that are right for you.

In conclusion, you are free to be yourselves on this closed site. I urge you, in public, or open Facebook sites, to be more careful of what you say and why you say it.

I love all of you.
Marcia Drut-Davis

August 18th, 2014

Reflecting on Lifetime Contributor Award to Childfreedom

hometownnewsPostedReceiving any award is always an ago boost. When I heard the International Committee for International Childfree Day (August 1, 2014) chose me for their inaugural “Lifetime Contributor Award”, I had mixed emotions.

Why wasn’t I honored as their, “Woman of The Year”? Did they give me this as a pity party knowing I faced cancer  this year?  Finally, the word “Lifetime” made me feel old!

Then I re-thought the whole thing.

It’s an honor! I’m proud and feel excited to be worthy of this first time recognition.  When I think of the 40 years or more I’ve fought the battle against pronatalism, faced so much in losing a job and being called ” perverse” after being on “60 Minutes”,  had to cross picket lines when I had speaking engagements and the loss of friends, I sigh. Thinking back, it was all worth it. (Well maybe not the loss of a job as my pension now reflects the years I couldn’t teach!)

People keep telling me the choice not to have or raise children is accepted now and there’s no need for all this support. Really? How I wish this was true. If you could read the daily letters I get telling me they thought there was something wrong with them because they had no maternal or paternal feelings, you would cringe. If you could see how many accolades I get for fighting the fight, you would be surprised. If you could hear how many face being shunned by their families due to this personal choice, you would know we have a long way to go.

Internationally, pronatal influences are epidemic to have children. Religious and cultural expectations make it one of the most important things anyone can do whether or not they are parent material or know any of the realities in what it takes to be an effective parent. Where are any support systems for the childfree lifestyle? Are they ever mentioned in any schools? No! But students are still seen carrying around hard boiled eggs in a basket to teach the responsibility of being a parent. (I can’t make this up!) Where are infertile people taught about choosing childfreedom as a viable and rewarding choice and not being a victim of the barren tsk tsk tsking society.

If you think not having/raising children is accepted, tell your friends and family you are not having children. You’ll probably still hear: you’ll change your mind, isn’t that selfish or why get married?

There may be a few who say, “That’s your own personal choice”. I feel proud of knowing that can happen and feel I had a part of raising the global consciousness.

We have a long way to go. As I age, I hope there are more to carry on and get this wonderful award. The more we feel safe and proud to say, “I’m childfree by choice”, the more children have a better chance of children being born or adopted into the lives of people truly aware of what it means to raise a child.

At 71, I can say, without a doubt, I have no regrets. Childfreedom is one of the sweetest, fulfilling lifestyles anyone can have. I’m proud to be given this award and vow to continue to fight pronatalism.