Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
December 3rd, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Childfree Group Cruise

 

This is our second childfree group cruise! The site doesn’t tell you we’re going from Miami to the coast of Mexico. We stop at 4 ports and one of the cruise-lines award winning private island.

Prices range from upper $700’s to $1,100 pp. We may still have single cabins available too! (UNHEARD of in cruising!)

I still have cabins…. but hurry! They’re going fast!

People ask me, “Why a childfree group cruise”? Why? Because this is one vacation where you’ll meet like-minded people. Nobody will ask, “So? How many kids do YOU have”? Nobody will tell you you’re selfish, irresponsible or may regret the choice when it’s too late!

The beauty of this particular cruise line is they believe in “FREE AT SEA”. It’s similar to why we choose the childfree lifestyle. We prefer making our own choices, on our own time, without adhering to demands or boundaries. It’s a resort casual dress code at night. There are no first and second seatings as most other cruise-line’s require. You have 27 restaurants to choose from. On this cruise, you can choice the amenities you prefer: Specialty dining? Free Drinks? Tours in ports? Wifi? On-Board credit?

We get to meet each other in one meeting. I will speak and welcome you giving you what you need to know about the ship and the plans.

Then, it’s YOUR vacation! The activities on board are endless if you want that. Or, spend time in their thermal spa and veg out! (It’s an uncharge but well worth it as no kids under 18 are allowed.) Or, stay in the private childfree bar area with deck chair with hot tubs.  They only sell enough tickets to fit the amount of chairs they have there!

At night, you can dine together or dine alone, see a first rate Broadway show, dance, go to their ice bar, or enjoy the many other activities they have.

I’ll help to make this a childfree vacation to remember with friends you’ll have in your forever hearts!

Info:NOKIDCRUISE@gmail.com

 

October 6th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Not Mom Summit (and Childfree Lifestyle)

This Fall, in Cleveland Ohio, many women from all over the world will met. They are “not moms”. It’s a special summit to support, educate and honor the women who are not moms. Some will attend  because, without a doubt, they don’t want children. They embrace the childfree lifestyle without any reservations. Some will be there because they know they have genetic challenges and never want to place them in another human. Some will be there who have been labeled as “childless”. They are finally seeing the possibility that by changing from childless to childFREE, they no longer remain a victim of their bodies. Some are sitting on the fence; afraid to make the final choice fearing regrets.

All will join forces and enjoy the beauty of mingling with other not-moms in the same situation. They’ll be treated to many seminars and events to broaden their awareness of the limitless joys available as a not mom.  Honesty will be shared as to what challenges they may have and how to overcome them.

I’m honored, to be the first welcoming Keynote speaker at their first lunch. I plan to be inspirational, illuminating and supportive. I’ll share the infamous taped “60 Minutes” segment where I first announced I never wanted to have or raise children of my own. That was my first adventure into pronatalism. I lost my job as a dedicated teacher!

The documentary/movie “To KID or NOT to KID will be viewed together presented by Maxine Trump, the director. It will culminate in a joyous party of happy not moms where friendships were made, hearts were reached and support of the childfree-by-choice lifestyle is accepted.

The goal of the Not Mom Summit is to have the not-moms leave this summit with renewed energy and friendships to last a lifetime.

Marcia Drut-Davis/Author of “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”

August 28th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

“Childfree”? What’s in a NAME?

 

I fought many battles over the title of “childfree” by choice name.  After appearing on “60 Minutes” in 1974, I heard words like, “perverse” from the late Mike Wallace. It was my first lesson on the ignorance and ravages of pronatalism. After more TV interviews, newspaper articles and speaking engagements, I lost my job and faced death threats. Once, when speaking, I was escorted past picketing lines with signs reading, “Godless Bitch!” People I thought were friends backed off any heart connections. (The lesson is they were not true friends.)

It’s now 43 years later. I’m almost 75. I still face ravages against me from within the childfree movement. There’s a group who feel I’m a sham, disgrace and phony. Some even suggest my lifetime achievement award from the committee for International Childfree Day be taken back. Some accuse me of making money off the people I reach to support, educate and honor in their lifestyle choice. Selling my book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”, hosting nokid group cruises and being a keynote speaker at the up-coming NOTMOMSUMMIT in Ohio this October 2017, makes me look, in their eyes, as if I’m making a large income off the childfree by choice. I’m not! My rewards are in the letters I get, the outpouring of people all over this world and the inner peace in knowing lives are being changed, as they understand what “childfree” means. It also affects those faced with infertility. There’s a big difference with childfree vs childless.

The haters argument is I once tried my hand in being a stepmother. In their opinions, I can never say I’m childfree. They shriek that any stepparent can’t be considered ”childfree by choice”. I get it. They have the right to choose that definition. I, and many others, disagree. I attempted to be a friend to my husband’s two daughters. I never wanted to be their mother. They had one. In my first book, I tell the whole, sad but truthful story.

They took out of context when I wrote about the ephemeral moments I questioned my childfree choice. (Many have these on again, off again feelings. Many don’t.) However, they made it look as if I really wanted to have a child. By omitting the answers to when I questioned, I was perceived by those who never read the entire book as a joke.

I’ve led the right to choose the childfree lifestyle with passion, grace and dignity. I’ll continue to write, speak, blog and use my Facebook sites to reach the hearts against people whether stepparents, aunts, uncles, caregivers or volunteers to many children in need. I will defend those who can’t stand being with children. However, hurting them is unconscionable.

You who read this blog, buy my books, visit my Facebook sites, (www.facebook.com/confessionsofachildfreewoman.) come with me on nokid cruises, personally write to me and come to hear me speak are my oxygen. In my second, about to be “birthed” book, I talk at length about this challenge I’ve faced. To the ones hating me, I feel sadness. They truly don’t understand who I am, what I am and what I stand for. To my dying day, I will defend this awesome lifestyle even to those who revile me.

August 18th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Homage to Heather Heyer, killed by hate, defined as a “useless woman”, because she had no children!

Magnifying Heather Heyer (Ms MAGAZINE:ONLINE ARTICLE)
August 17, 2017 by Maxine Trump and Amy Blackstone | Leave a Comment

In a heart-wrenching eulogy in memory of her daughter Heather Heyer, who was mowed down by white supremacist James Alex Fields Jr. while counter-protesting a so-called “alt right” rally populated by neo-Nazis, KKK members and other white supremacists and white nationalists, Susan Bro told mourners: “They tried to kill my child to shut her up. Well, guess what? You just magnified her.”
Shortly after her murder, Heyer was heinously criticized on a neo-Nazi site as a childless waste of life. Here, fellow childless and childfree women mourn Heather’s loss with the hope of magnifying her message against injustice and celebrating her heroism.

Molly Adams
Karen Malone Wright: Founder & Chief Executive, The NotMom summit
I can remember where I was when I heard the news that four black girls in an Alabama church had been blown to Kingdom Come by a white supremacist’s bomb. It happened the day after my eighth birthday. Like them, I was a black girl, and I went to church. After all these years, I thought I knew the twisted rankings of how racists hate. Black women are second to black men, right? Jews, Muslims, gays, and immigrants are somewhere behind. Frankly, the idea that my childlessness makes me doubly offensive is surprising, but it evokes a shoulder shrug. Racists already hated me, so adding one more category isn’t really A Thing. The good news is that post-mortem attacks against Heather Heyer are firing up women without children who never felt the sting of undeserved hate before. And like Heather, they are rising up against it.
Laura Carroll: Author of Families of Two, The Baby Matrix, La Vie Childfree
As someone who has been working toward societal acceptance of the childfree choice for almost 20 years, upon reading about the hate-filled rant about Heather Heyer my first instinct is to lash back. Hate of her lack of value to and burden on society because she had not reproduced reflect dark beliefs of pronatalist dogma. Yet fighting anger with anger only acts as a perpetuating force. Action needs to come from a deeper place. As reformed white nationalist Christian Picciolini says, “people become radicalized, or extremist, because they’re searching for three very fundamental human needs: identity, community and a sense of purpose.” Marginalized, disenfranchised, and with little hope, they attach to “black and white answers.” Literally. White nationalism must be stopped, and we all must act. From skin color to reproductive choices, right action begins with understanding the underlying motives of hate, and the inability to accept difference in others.
Marcia Drut-Davis: Retired Teacher, “No Regrets” Advocate, Childfree Reflections, Author,Confessions of a Childfree Woman”
As a 75-year-old woman who wants the childfree lifestyle to be honored as it should, I’m appalled that Heather Heyer has been maligned as “childless” and therefore not much good to this planet. She proved her worth against this ignorance by taking a stand and being that stand. She fought for the importance of ending hatred and connecting hearts. She wanted to see respect for diversity. Instead, she was murdered in a senseless act of hatred. We, the childfree by choice or fate, stand tall in knowing her presence made an important difference to this planet. She never birthed or raised a child. She was trying to give birth to peace, respect for diversity and an end to hatred.
Maxine Trump: Filmmaker, “To Kid or Not To Kid”
Heather is a childfree hero. We don’t know, and only her family could ever know, whether she chose not to have children, but that shouldn’t be important. Her criticism as childless was tweeted and written about by a blog that many of us had never heard of. Reproductive rights and human rights are being fought alongside each other and we must speak up. Heather Heyer used her free time to fight injustice. In making my film about the decision to live childfree, I have interviewed many childfree women who do just this. These women volunteer their free time and are critically important members of their communities. I celebrate her ‘childless’ life for giving back and fighting for a just cause. We need to shout as loudly as we can against this injustice.
Laura LaVoie: Blogger
A young woman was killed fighting Nazis on American soil. Next, I learned that militant white supremacists hate a dead woman they never met, days after one of their own was responsible for her murder. On a website that was swiftly shut down, a hateful blogger wrote, “A 32-year-old woman without children is a burden on society and has no value.” That’s right—they called out the fact that she did not have children. And why didn’t she have children? We’ll never know, and it’s none of our business. I would be willing to bet that one reason might be because at the age of 32, a racist white man killed her. I’m angry, and I want you to get angry that a young woman was killed while supporting of her country’s highest ideals. Get angry and do something about it.
Amy Blackstone: Sociologist and Blogger
As a white woman I know that I am not generally the intended target of white supremacists. I also know that it is my duty as an American to stand beside my sisters and brothers of color to speak out against violence and hate. When hate came to town in Charlottesville, Heather Heyer stood up and spoke out. After her murder, she was denigrated for a status I share, a woman without children. The critique of women without children is nothing new though Heather’s detractor took an especially hateful approach at an especially tragic time. As a result, Heather’s legacy as an American hero and a civil rights martyr was secured. May she rest in power.
Take action: Heather Heyer’s family has urged those who wish to support her message to give to C-ville Victim Relief or to funds for Dre Harris or Natalie Romero, both victims of white supremacist violence in Charlottesville.

Maxine Trump has directed documentaries for TV networks from Discovery to Sundance and is author of the forthcoming book “Diving Into Documentaries” (Focal Press, 2018). Her previous feature film Musicwood, was a New York Times Critics’ Pick. Maxine is in full production on TO KID OR NOT TO KID.
Amy Blackstone is a sociology professor at the University of Maine where she studies childlessness and the childfree choice. Her work can be found in academic outlets, in media such as Ms., Broadly, CNN and TIME, and on the blog she co-writes with her husband Lance, we’re {not} having a baby.

Marcia Drut-Davis was given a lifetime achievement award from the International childfree movement.

July 29th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

First Guest Post

Guest Blog Post:

Why Do People Question the Childfree Lifestyle?

BY LAUREN MANNING
We live in the year 2017. Ideally, we should be more open-minded and accepting of diverse lifestyle choices.  I have one question to ask… “If you’re someone who questioned an individual about why they chose the childfree lifestyle, why did you do it?” Keep that question in mind and kindly hear me out.

Ever since I was a kid, I never wanted my own children.  It never appealed to me. Yet almost everyone I knew had them. I thought it was something everyone did. I feared growing up because I thought parenting was inevitable for me. The thought terrified me.

I had to do volunteer hours in order to graduate high school. These volunteer hours included day care working with young children. I found myself extremely withdrawn, and frankly, very irritable because I didn’t want to be there. I expressed these feelings and was told, “It’s different if it’s your own kids. You’ll change your mind”. Or, my favorite one: “You’re young. What do you know?” The idea of kids was always presented as such a beautiful thing.

Fast-forwarding a couple years. I found myself away from home and living in shelters due to unfortunate circumstances. During this time, I endured a fair amount of emotional trauma. One particularly ugly event was being sexually assaulted. I was able to defend myself and get away with no physical harm done. However, psychologically, deep, emotional scars formed.

There were many sleepless nights with “what ifs”. One of these “what ifs” included the thought of, “what if he succeeded in assaulting me and got me pregnant?” I had a rude awakening in the sense that I learned not all pregnancy happens under ideal circumstances and needless to say it scared the hell out of me.

During my time in the shelters, I met a lot of women who had or were expecting kids. Some were very good mothers; others are very disengaged. Some of their kids were terribly neglected or not given proper care. I wondered if they chose parenting because it was something everyone did.

Reflecting on my childhood, I didn’t want to be responsible for someone else’s suffering. I wasn’t parent material! At least by choosing a childfree lifestyle, only I’m affected. If I had a child and still found myself withdrawn, I’m not only impacting myself, but another life too.

I got myself out of that life on the streets and into a job and good environment. Of course I had problems adjusting and feeling like I belonged with the rest of society.  Eventually, I overcame those things. However, the memories of what I saw in the shelters never left me. Some are positive. Others are negative. Positive, in the sense of what I learned. Negative in the way that some of them are really unpleasant.

I met a guy and we were together for 5 years. We had a pretty good relationship where we could goof off and laugh with each other. It was comfortable. Three years in and the topic of children came up. He really wanted them and I didn’t. We spent 2 years debating with each other over the subject. Others around me continually told me the same clichés of, “you’ll change your mind if you love him”.

Though you may think you’re being helpful or insightful by explaining your take on why I should breed, you’re actually doing quite the opposite. To a person like myself, who chooses a childfree lifestyle, it sounds like you’re bullying me. Every time you do that, I feel as though I’m backed into a corner. Trust me, it’s not a nice feeling.

He and I decided to split since neither of us was going to change our minds. It sucked saying goodbye. However it was also freeing for me.  Letting go of that relationship was one less thing backing me into that corner.

I still get those clichés thrown at me. You know….the selfish, irresponsible, unloving, uncaring meaningless life I’m facing choosing the childfree lifestyle. My favorite cliché is still, “You’re young. What do you know?”. Answer: a lot more then you’re giving me credit for.

So? What can you do?

Before you go ahead and question a person’s choice, I urge you to think about the can of worms you’re potentially opening up. For those who still choose ignorance feeling everyone’s destiny is to procreate, there’s already enough ignorance in the world. You don’t need to add to it. If you’re unwilling to listen to what someone else has to say, then don’t ask!

I’m proud to be childfree by choice. I look forward to helping others on this planet and enjoying my life to the best of my ability. I’m not better or worse than you. I’m me. Please leave my personal choices alone as I’ll leave yours alone too.

July 21st, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Childfree Musings

Many of you know about me from my first book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman: A Life Spent Swimming against The Mainstream”, Amazon.

It was an adventure into raw realities involved in purging or venting my personal story. Some days (or nights) I would sit at my computer, stare at the keyboard and feel there wasn’t one word I

could share.

Other times, my words exploded like a cannon. I felt good. I felt proud until my editor, Justine, from writebynight.net said the 6 letter word I dreaded,”REVISE!”

It took almost three years of writing to have the final accomplishment in my hands and hopefully, yours.

Looking back, it was worth every agony and every rejection I met to receive the outpouring of love and support for my memoir.

I know that feeling because reading the first book about the childfree lifestyle I got, “The Baby Trap”, by Ellen Peck, set me free to be proud of being a non-parent.

(Later, non-parent was changed to “childfree”.)

When my editor suggested it may be time to update my memoir, I agreed. However, it wasn’t long before we knew I was gestating another book.

The birth of book 2 is now eminent. Without a doubt, I’m humbled and honored to feel it will help more of my childfree family.

Today, I finished a chapter that had me crying.

It wasn’t  because I heard the word, “REVISE” from Justine. It was because she said, “Marcia, this is the best writing I’ve seen from you”.

The interesting fact about the chapter is… it’s about you! You are the brave people who stepped up to share your innermost feelings with me. You are the ones who took a chance, even from

countries where you may face the wrath of others. You are the ones who inspired me to see how much we still need to make this a viable respected lifestyle allover the world!

I’m still breathless with feeling humbled and excited in writing this book and seeing the end in sight. I can’t wait to let you know it’s birthed.

The one thing I want you to know, is how much we need to keep on keeping on to feel pride in our awesome lifestyle choice. I would urge you to find something your heart can connect to knowing

you’re affecting the lives of others for the better. And, if it’s simply our own life, that’s also wonderful.

 

 

April 10th, 2017 by Marcia Davis

MEET ME AT THE NOT MOM SUMMIT

This may be one of those highlights of my 74 years on this planet.

I’m the keynote opening speaker for the wonderful and wonder-filled NOTMOMSUMMIT

http://thenotmom.com/the-notmom-summit-2017/this Oct, 6-8th in Cleveland Ohio.

Without a doubt, those who attend will leave with a renewed and inspirational excitement for the childfree lifestyle.

Those sitting on the fence will hear why it may be a good idea to jump off that fence and wrap your hearts around a way to happiness you never imagined.

Those who can’t have children, shouldn’t have children or don’t want to have children will be shown love,

respect and how to overcome feelings of rejection from friends, family and co-workers who may mean well

but are only perpetuating the myths they’ve been lead to believe is an assumed biological destiny for all.

I’m honored and overwhelmed at the opportunities I have with the other presenters to reach your hearts.

I also look forward to meeting as many of my peeps as I can!

Hugs,
Marcia Drut-Davis

January 3rd, 2017 by Marcia Davis

Our NOKID GROUP CRUISE. WHY?

Why a Group Cruise?
Here are some of the reasons:
Reduced Fares and a Tremendous Value
Cruises are virtually all-inclusive vacations. One price includes all accommodations, meals, many activities on board the ship, and entertainment. By traveling as a group, we’ll qualify for special group discounts and rates.
Hassle-Free Vacation
With a Group Cruise, you unpack once and let the ship’s crew do the rest.
Multi-Interest Floating Resorts
Our cruise ship offer something for everyone regardless of their interests or personality. There’s plenty to keep every member of the group entertained.
Accommodations for Any Budget
We still have a number of different types of staterooms for any budget including: inside cabins, suites, balcony staterooms, and ocean view staterooms.

We also have “The Haven” with a private butler, restaurant, spa privileges and awesome additional amenities!
Group Dining
There’s maximum flexibility available for group dining on our cruise ship. Our group can elect to dine together or choose independent dining options.
Award Winning Entertainment
Our cruise ship offers first-rate award winning Broadway and Las Vegas-style musical revues; comedians; magic shows; piano bars; high energy discos; and live music to keep us entertained from sun down to sun up. The casino is also fun. You can use your on board credit there!
Fun & Getting to Know Each Other
A Group Cruise gives us a chance to share a common experience, which is choosing the childfree lifestyle and never hearing, “So? How many kids do you have? Our group activities like our private dinners first and last nights at sea, late night fun, and festivities will help us get to know one another.
High Satisfaction Vacations
Cruises have the highest guest satisfaction rating in the entire travel industry. Cruise Line studies show that groups that travel together on a cruise will return again as a group within two years of their first trip. We’ll be doing this on our Get-A-Way NCL cruise along the Mexican Coast, December 3-10th, 2017! Our special group pricing and amenities ends soon. Will you be with us?

Info: nokidcruise@gmail.com.

I’LL BE HOSTING AND SPEAKING!
Love you all,
Marcia Drut-Davis

December 5th, 2016 by Marcia Davis

Holiday Thoughts

It’s that time of the year again. I recently saw a post from a childfree couple who “lost it” for this holiday season. The questioned whether or not having children or grandkids had any influence.
I sighed. Then, thought how their choice of the words “lost it” could easily change with the words, “got it back”.
Holiday excitement can be very taxing on childfree couples if at every party they’re asked when they will settle down,  or if they feel lonely not having kids during the holidays. It’s simply pronatalistic myths.
Many people share with me the delight they have in decorating their homes. Indeed, many are single. Some have animals. Others have a life-partner. They love decorating, hosting parties, going to parties and feeling the delicious freedom not having kids gives to us.
You see? It’s the choices we make in our thoughts creating the feelings we have. Instead of having “lost it” for the holidays and wondering if having had kids would make it different, I suggest having gratitude for what you CAN do without having those kids or grandkids. Here’s a list:
1. Decorate and dance to your favorite music naked! Nobody will fault you. (Close the blinds or shades!)
2. Invite friends to your home! Maybe those neighbors who have kids who AREN’T visiting them?
3. Plan a trip! Go! Enjoy! (Come with us on a nokid group cruise next year!)
4. Go out for a lovely dinner and sleep late the next AM because you can. Parents can’t!
5. Volunteer at a local shelter or soup kitchen.
6. See if there’s a need at BOYS and GIRLS Clubs! Many come from homes where they can’t afford any decorations.
7. Watch those sappy holiday movies while munching on your favorite goodies, chocolate or sipping your favorite wine or drinks.
8. Go to the local mall. They usually have a tree with needy people asking for gifts on them for their kids.(Aren’t you happy you’re not them?)
9. Visit a children’s wing at any hospital and ask how you can help. (Aren’t you glad you’re not there for your own kids or grandkids?)
10. Have gratitude for your own delights, the people who give you joy and the fun of this season. CELEBRATE! DECORATE!

Happy holidays to all!

July 22nd, 2016 by Marcia Davis

It’s Another Childfree Group Cruise, 2017

The memories from our first gala cruise still linger. Now, we want to add more memories with another opportunity to be with like-minded people. You’ll never hear, “So? How many kids do you have?”
We leave on Dec 3, 2017 (That’s over a year and a half from now!) We cruise on the same ship: NCL’S Getaway down the Mexican Riviera coast stopping at Roatan Bay Islands, Harvest Caye, Belize, Costa Maya and Cozumel. You can purchase shore excursions to see the Mayan Ruins, take a thrilling ZIP line experience, swim, snorkel on a private island or kiss a dolphin.
Pricing starts at 489.00 pp for an Inside cabin. (You just read that right.) For more pricing on ocean view cabins and balconies and The Haven, a ship within a ship with a butler…go to NOKIDCRUISE@gmail.com. I’ll attach information. But hurry. These prices and first choice cabins will go back to NCL on 9/14/2016.
You’ll also get 4 specialty dining meals FREE and 75.00 per cabin on board credit.
Only 50.00 assures you a place. 125.00 pp gets your name on your chosen cabin. All money is refundable up to 120 days from sailing.
Singles can purchase a studio cabin and not have to pay double as all other cruise ships insist upon. They are going fast!
Hoping to give and get hugs on a trip to make a lifetime memory.
Hugs,
Marcia Drut-Davis