Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
August 31st, 2013 by Marcia Davis

What are the Childfree Hearing?

I recently asked my Facebook/Twitter followers what they’re hearing when they say they don’t want to parent. I asked that question because some of my own friends and family seem to feel it’s an accepted, respected choice now. (Forgive them. They know not what they say!)

These answers are the exact same answers I heard when I announced I never wanted to be a mother in 1974. Can you add more? I’m sure of it! Feel free to do that at the end of this post.

“You’re selfish/materialistic.”

“I’ve been told that I’ll never be a real woman. Some people who don’t know I’m married have said I will never find a husband. I’ve been told that I haven’t met the right person (and the one who said that even knew I was already married). Sometimes I’m just asked if my husband is okay with it. I’ve been told that I’ll never know real love. I’ve been asked why I bothered getting married. I’ve been told that as an intelligent person, I’m neglecting my duty to contribute intelligent children to society (as if intelligence was strictly genetic). I’ve had people imply that as a person who doesn’t love children, I am in turn unlovable. Essentially, I’ve had my humanity questioned. As an army wife, I’ve had a few people tell me that I will regret not having children if my husband dies in Afghanistan because I won’t have a piece of him. Army wives with children usually ask me how I can stand deployment being completely alone. I’m still trying to figure out how they can stand deployment as a single parent.”

“You’ll Change your mind”. Then I say… “But, I’m fixed”. They say, “You can always adopt!”

“You don’t know what you’re missing! #2: “You’re still young. You’ll change your mind someday. #3: “But who will take care of you when you’re old?!”

“You’re a disgrace to your kind! I can’t believe your mom had a child like you. She must feel sorry she had you.”

” I usually get asked why and how I came to my decision.”I never ask parents why and how they decided to have kids.

“But that’s what women were made for! The sad thing is that sometimes the same people keep asking, like I’m going to have changed my mind from the last time.”

“But you’d be a great mom! What are you afraid of?”

“Worst is the nasty little smirk & the singsong, “Things happen!” – basically wishing an unplanned pregnancy on someone is just plain wrong!”

“My personal favorite? God will send the babies. THEN what are you going to do?” She didn’t like it much when I said ,”Um… have an abortion?”

“Usually wide eyes and a bewildered, “What?? Why?””

“I am at a point where I’m sick of having to explain myself. No one asks a mother/father to explain themselves. It’s usually along the lines of “you will change your mind” or “you will regret your choice”. Um, just because you regret your choice to have kids, does not mean I will! Misery loves company, I suppose. Lucky for me, I don’t like a lot of people around me ha ha. Think it has to do with the fact my job involves working with people and all I want to do in my own time is be with my boyfriend or family.”

“I guess I don’t understand why this is a big deal to so many people.  So what if someone doesn’t want children? I think to myself how does that affect your life..it’s a choice people make..just like choosing anything. Not everyone wants or even should have children!

From a parent: “By the way, people are like that when you only choose to have one child..<gasp> you’re going to raise an only child? How selfish not to give them a sibling!”

So dear friends and family who can’t believe the need for my book and support sites, these are but a few of the venting shared on my facebook page. I rest my case.

Comments

2 Responses to “What are the Childfree Hearing?”
  1. Thank you for this great blog post. You are the voice of reason in this crazy world.

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