Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
September 30th, 2017

Childfree-by-Choice People VS.Trolls.

I’ve known the ignorant hate against the childfree by choice population. I met it face to face after being interviewed on “60 Minutes” in 1974. Hearing Mike Wallace mention “perverse” at the end of the airing led to my losing a job as a dedicated, loving teacher. I suffered death treats to me and my dog. I had to go past picket lines when I spoke. (My then husband faced no ridicule at all!)

The Internet didn’t exist then. Now it does. Enter the trolls!

Without any doubt, there are many people on the Internet who want to stop childfree by choice people from daring to share that choice. Some are part of very strict religious groups who feel it’s our human duty to ,”Go Forth and Multiply”. Some are people who feel they’re being attacked for their parenting choice and resent it. Some, because they may feel jealousy when we share the joys of not having the responsibilities of parenting. I have no issue with how they choose to feel. However, when they get on childfree sites and only want to hurt, condemn malign or threaten the childfree population, I take a stand against them.

I’ve faced this within the childfree movement itself!  There are very strict childfree people who feel you must adhere to the word “free” literally in everything you do. If you dare to claim being a stepparent, you’re not “free” of kids and therefore can’t claim to be childfree by choice. Most stepparents know they don’t raise kids! (There may be a few who do if the ex-wife or biological parent dies.) There’s another group of stepparents who may see stepchildren every now and then. At best, they attempt friendship with their step-kids. They do not raise those children. The Internet trolls feel angry and often try to get on sites where they know there are stepparents and taunt them, malign them and insult them.

If you have a pet, and use the word, “Furmom or Furdad, some childfree by choice feel you’re not childfree by choice. They’ve made their own Facebook support site where childfree by choice , pet hating people can go. I have no objection to that. however, when they purposefully go to the sites in support of childfree who rescue animals, and taunt, threaten or condemn them for a personal choice, I take a stand against this.

At a time when we should be coming together, helping and validating anyone who embraces the childfree lifestyle, I see divisiveness and anger rampant all over the Internet. These trolls are out to make people think their choices , if different from themselves, aren’t as worthy or valid. It’s a microcosm of the ranting, raving of trolls against political opponents, religious diversity (or non-religious support) or anything different than what they feel is the “right” choice or thinking.

To the parents or anyone who actually go on to the childfree by choice sites with one aim which is to take snapshots of posts, post to their own personal sites and get support, I have no words. I’m sorry you’re so brainwashed to believe anyone who doesn’t choose parenting is lower than the snails at the bottom of the ocean. You simply don’t know how many wonderful people are out their taking care of your kids with joy! You don’t know how many may be gifts to this planet in other altruistic ways.

Choosing the childfree by choice lifestyle, or changing from childless to childfree is a wonderful lifestyle option. There never should be anyone trying to stop them or feel they aren’t worthy of admiration. Me and my admin assistants will do what we can to stop this from happening on my sites.

www.Facebook.com/confessionsofachildfree woman

www.Facbook.com/confessionsofchildfreepeople

www.Facebook.com/Childfreelookingforfriendships

www.Facebook.com/childfreeyetI’mastepparent

www.Facebook.com/childfreelookingfor jobs

 

August 28th, 2017

“Childfree”? What’s in a NAME?

 

I fought many battles over the title of “childfree” by choice name.  After appearing on “60 Minutes” in 1974, I heard words like, “perverse” from the late Mike Wallace. It was my first lesson on the ignorance and ravages of pronatalism. After more TV interviews, newspaper articles and speaking engagements, I lost my job and faced death threats. Once, when speaking, I was escorted past picketing lines with signs reading, “Godless Bitch!” People I thought were friends backed off any heart connections. (The lesson is they were not true friends.)

It’s now 43 years later. I’m almost 75. I still face ravages against me from within the childfree movement. There’s a group who feel I’m a sham, disgrace and phony. Some even suggest my lifetime achievement award from the committee for International Childfree Day be taken back. Some accuse me of making money off the people I reach to support, educate and honor in their lifestyle choice. Selling my book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”, hosting nokid group cruises and being a keynote speaker at the up-coming NOTMOMSUMMIT in Ohio this October 2017, makes me look, in their eyes, as if I’m making a large income off the childfree by choice. I’m not! My rewards are in the letters I get, the outpouring of people all over this world and the inner peace in knowing lives are being changed, as they understand what “childfree” means. It also affects those faced with infertility. There’s a big difference with childfree vs childless.

The haters argument is I once tried my hand in being a stepmother. In their opinions, I can never say I’m childfree. They shriek that any stepparent can’t be considered ”childfree by choice”. I get it. They have the right to choose that definition. I, and many others, disagree. I attempted to be a friend to my husband’s two daughters. I never wanted to be their mother. They had one. In my first book, I tell the whole, sad but truthful story.

They took out of context when I wrote about the ephemeral moments I questioned my childfree choice. (Many have these on again, off again feelings. Many don’t.) However, they made it look as if I really wanted to have a child. By omitting the answers to when I questioned, I was perceived by those who never read the entire book as a joke.

I’ve led the right to choose the childfree lifestyle with passion, grace and dignity. I’ll continue to write, speak, blog and use my Facebook sites to reach the hearts against people whether stepparents, aunts, uncles, caregivers or volunteers to many children in need. I will defend those who can’t stand being with children. However, hurting them is unconscionable.

You who read this blog, buy my books, visit my Facebook sites, (www.facebook.com/confessionsofachildfreewoman.) come with me on nokid cruises, personally write to me and come to hear me speak are my oxygen. In my second, about to be “birthed” book, I talk at length about this challenge I’ve faced. To the ones hating me, I feel sadness. They truly don’t understand who I am, what I am and what I stand for. To my dying day, I will defend this awesome lifestyle even to those who revile me.

August 18th, 2017

Homage to Heather Heyer, killed by hate, defined as a “useless woman”, because she had no children!

Magnifying Heather Heyer (Ms MAGAZINE:ONLINE ARTICLE)
August 17, 2017 by Maxine Trump and Amy Blackstone | Leave a Comment

In a heart-wrenching eulogy in memory of her daughter Heather Heyer, who was mowed down by white supremacist James Alex Fields Jr. while counter-protesting a so-called “alt right” rally populated by neo-Nazis, KKK members and other white supremacists and white nationalists, Susan Bro told mourners: “They tried to kill my child to shut her up. Well, guess what? You just magnified her.”
Shortly after her murder, Heyer was heinously criticized on a neo-Nazi site as a childless waste of life. Here, fellow childless and childfree women mourn Heather’s loss with the hope of magnifying her message against injustice and celebrating her heroism.

Molly Adams
Karen Malone Wright: Founder & Chief Executive, The NotMom summit
I can remember where I was when I heard the news that four black girls in an Alabama church had been blown to Kingdom Come by a white supremacist’s bomb. It happened the day after my eighth birthday. Like them, I was a black girl, and I went to church. After all these years, I thought I knew the twisted rankings of how racists hate. Black women are second to black men, right? Jews, Muslims, gays, and immigrants are somewhere behind. Frankly, the idea that my childlessness makes me doubly offensive is surprising, but it evokes a shoulder shrug. Racists already hated me, so adding one more category isn’t really A Thing. The good news is that post-mortem attacks against Heather Heyer are firing up women without children who never felt the sting of undeserved hate before. And like Heather, they are rising up against it.
Laura Carroll: Author of Families of Two, The Baby Matrix, La Vie Childfree
As someone who has been working toward societal acceptance of the childfree choice for almost 20 years, upon reading about the hate-filled rant about Heather Heyer my first instinct is to lash back. Hate of her lack of value to and burden on society because she had not reproduced reflect dark beliefs of pronatalist dogma. Yet fighting anger with anger only acts as a perpetuating force. Action needs to come from a deeper place. As reformed white nationalist Christian Picciolini says, “people become radicalized, or extremist, because they’re searching for three very fundamental human needs: identity, community and a sense of purpose.” Marginalized, disenfranchised, and with little hope, they attach to “black and white answers.” Literally. White nationalism must be stopped, and we all must act. From skin color to reproductive choices, right action begins with understanding the underlying motives of hate, and the inability to accept difference in others.
Marcia Drut-Davis: Retired Teacher, “No Regrets” Advocate, Childfree Reflections, Author,Confessions of a Childfree Woman”
As a 75-year-old woman who wants the childfree lifestyle to be honored as it should, I’m appalled that Heather Heyer has been maligned as “childless” and therefore not much good to this planet. She proved her worth against this ignorance by taking a stand and being that stand. She fought for the importance of ending hatred and connecting hearts. She wanted to see respect for diversity. Instead, she was murdered in a senseless act of hatred. We, the childfree by choice or fate, stand tall in knowing her presence made an important difference to this planet. She never birthed or raised a child. She was trying to give birth to peace, respect for diversity and an end to hatred.
Maxine Trump: Filmmaker, “To Kid or Not To Kid”
Heather is a childfree hero. We don’t know, and only her family could ever know, whether she chose not to have children, but that shouldn’t be important. Her criticism as childless was tweeted and written about by a blog that many of us had never heard of. Reproductive rights and human rights are being fought alongside each other and we must speak up. Heather Heyer used her free time to fight injustice. In making my film about the decision to live childfree, I have interviewed many childfree women who do just this. These women volunteer their free time and are critically important members of their communities. I celebrate her ‘childless’ life for giving back and fighting for a just cause. We need to shout as loudly as we can against this injustice.
Laura LaVoie: Blogger
A young woman was killed fighting Nazis on American soil. Next, I learned that militant white supremacists hate a dead woman they never met, days after one of their own was responsible for her murder. On a website that was swiftly shut down, a hateful blogger wrote, “A 32-year-old woman without children is a burden on society and has no value.” That’s right—they called out the fact that she did not have children. And why didn’t she have children? We’ll never know, and it’s none of our business. I would be willing to bet that one reason might be because at the age of 32, a racist white man killed her. I’m angry, and I want you to get angry that a young woman was killed while supporting of her country’s highest ideals. Get angry and do something about it.
Amy Blackstone: Sociologist and Blogger
As a white woman I know that I am not generally the intended target of white supremacists. I also know that it is my duty as an American to stand beside my sisters and brothers of color to speak out against violence and hate. When hate came to town in Charlottesville, Heather Heyer stood up and spoke out. After her murder, she was denigrated for a status I share, a woman without children. The critique of women without children is nothing new though Heather’s detractor took an especially hateful approach at an especially tragic time. As a result, Heather’s legacy as an American hero and a civil rights martyr was secured. May she rest in power.
Take action: Heather Heyer’s family has urged those who wish to support her message to give to C-ville Victim Relief or to funds for Dre Harris or Natalie Romero, both victims of white supremacist violence in Charlottesville.

Maxine Trump has directed documentaries for TV networks from Discovery to Sundance and is author of the forthcoming book “Diving Into Documentaries” (Focal Press, 2018). Her previous feature film Musicwood, was a New York Times Critics’ Pick. Maxine is in full production on TO KID OR NOT TO KID.
Amy Blackstone is a sociology professor at the University of Maine where she studies childlessness and the childfree choice. Her work can be found in academic outlets, in media such as Ms., Broadly, CNN and TIME, and on the blog she co-writes with her husband Lance, we’re {not} having a baby.

Marcia Drut-Davis was given a lifetime achievement award from the International childfree movement.

April 10th, 2017

MEET ME AT THE NOT MOM SUMMIT

This may be one of those highlights of my 74 years on this planet.

I’m the keynote opening speaker for the wonderful and wonder-filled NOTMOMSUMMIT

http://thenotmom.com/the-notmom-summit-2017/this Oct, 6-8th in Cleveland Ohio.

Without a doubt, those who attend will leave with a renewed and inspirational excitement for the childfree lifestyle.

Those sitting on the fence will hear why it may be a good idea to jump off that fence and wrap your hearts around a way to happiness you never imagined.

Those who can’t have children, shouldn’t have children or don’t want to have children will be shown love,

respect and how to overcome feelings of rejection from friends, family and co-workers who may mean well

but are only perpetuating the myths they’ve been lead to believe is an assumed biological destiny for all.

I’m honored and overwhelmed at the opportunities I have with the other presenters to reach your hearts.

I also look forward to meeting as many of my peeps as I can!

Hugs,
Marcia Drut-Davis