Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
September 30th, 2017

Childfree-by-Choice People VS.Trolls.

I’ve known the ignorant hate against the childfree by choice population. I met it face to face after being interviewed on “60 Minutes” in 1974. Hearing Mike Wallace mention “perverse” at the end of the airing led to my losing a job as a dedicated, loving teacher. I suffered death treats to me and my dog. I had to go past picket lines when I spoke. (My then husband faced no ridicule at all!)

The Internet didn’t exist then. Now it does. Enter the trolls!

Without any doubt, there are many people on the Internet who want to stop childfree by choice people from daring to share that choice. Some are part of very strict religious groups who feel it’s our human duty to ,”Go Forth and Multiply”. Some are people who feel they’re being attacked for their parenting choice and resent it. Some, because they may feel jealousy when we share the joys of not having the responsibilities of parenting. I have no issue with how they choose to feel. However, when they get on childfree sites and only want to hurt, condemn malign or threaten the childfree population, I take a stand against them.

I’ve faced this within the childfree movement itself!  There are very strict childfree people who feel you must adhere to the word “free” literally in everything you do. If you dare to claim being a stepparent, you’re not “free” of kids and therefore can’t claim to be childfree by choice. Most stepparents know they don’t raise kids! (There may be a few who do if the ex-wife or biological parent dies.) There’s another group of stepparents who may see stepchildren every now and then. At best, they attempt friendship with their step-kids. They do not raise those children. The Internet trolls feel angry and often try to get on sites where they know there are stepparents and taunt them, malign them and insult them.

If you have a pet, and use the word, “Furmom or Furdad, some childfree by choice feel you’re not childfree by choice. They’ve made their own Facebook support site where childfree by choice , pet hating people can go. I have no objection to that. however, when they purposefully go to the sites in support of childfree who rescue animals, and taunt, threaten or condemn them for a personal choice, I take a stand against this.

At a time when we should be coming together, helping and validating anyone who embraces the childfree lifestyle, I see divisiveness and anger rampant all over the Internet. These trolls are out to make people think their choices , if different from themselves, aren’t as worthy or valid. It’s a microcosm of the ranting, raving of trolls against political opponents, religious diversity (or non-religious support) or anything different than what they feel is the “right” choice or thinking.

To the parents or anyone who actually go on to the childfree by choice sites with one aim which is to take snapshots of posts, post to their own personal sites and get support, I have no words. I’m sorry you’re so brainwashed to believe anyone who doesn’t choose parenting is lower than the snails at the bottom of the ocean. You simply don’t know how many wonderful people are out their taking care of your kids with joy! You don’t know how many may be gifts to this planet in other altruistic ways.

Choosing the childfree by choice lifestyle, or changing from childless to childfree is a wonderful lifestyle option. There never should be anyone trying to stop them or feel they aren’t worthy of admiration. Me and my admin assistants will do what we can to stop this from happening on my sites.

www.Facebook.com/confessionsofachildfree woman

www.Facbook.com/confessionsofchildfreepeople

www.Facebook.com/Childfreelookingforfriendships

www.Facebook.com/childfreeyetI’mastepparent

www.Facebook.com/childfreelookingfor jobs

 

August 28th, 2017

“Childfree”? What’s in a NAME?

 

I fought many battles over the title of “childfree” by choice name.  After appearing on “60 Minutes” in 1974, I heard words like, “perverse” from the late Mike Wallace. It was my first lesson on the ignorance and ravages of pronatalism. After more TV interviews, newspaper articles and speaking engagements, I lost my job and faced death threats. Once, when speaking, I was escorted past picketing lines with signs reading, “Godless Bitch!” People I thought were friends backed off any heart connections. (The lesson is they were not true friends.)

It’s now 43 years later. I’m almost 75. I still face ravages against me from within the childfree movement. There’s a group who feel I’m a sham, disgrace and phony. Some even suggest my lifetime achievement award from the committee for International Childfree Day be taken back. Some accuse me of making money off the people I reach to support, educate and honor in their lifestyle choice. Selling my book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”, hosting nokid group cruises and being a keynote speaker at the up-coming NOTMOMSUMMIT in Ohio this October 2017, makes me look, in their eyes, as if I’m making a large income off the childfree by choice. I’m not! My rewards are in the letters I get, the outpouring of people all over this world and the inner peace in knowing lives are being changed, as they understand what “childfree” means. It also affects those faced with infertility. There’s a big difference with childfree vs childless.

The haters argument is I once tried my hand in being a stepmother. In their opinions, I can never say I’m childfree. They shriek that any stepparent can’t be considered ”childfree by choice”. I get it. They have the right to choose that definition. I, and many others, disagree. I attempted to be a friend to my husband’s two daughters. I never wanted to be their mother. They had one. In my first book, I tell the whole, sad but truthful story.

They took out of context when I wrote about the ephemeral moments I questioned my childfree choice. (Many have these on again, off again feelings. Many don’t.) However, they made it look as if I really wanted to have a child. By omitting the answers to when I questioned, I was perceived by those who never read the entire book as a joke.

I’ve led the right to choose the childfree lifestyle with passion, grace and dignity. I’ll continue to write, speak, blog and use my Facebook sites to reach the hearts against people whether stepparents, aunts, uncles, caregivers or volunteers to many children in need. I will defend those who can’t stand being with children. However, hurting them is unconscionable.

You who read this blog, buy my books, visit my Facebook sites, (www.facebook.com/confessionsofachildfreewoman.) come with me on nokid cruises, personally write to me and come to hear me speak are my oxygen. In my second, about to be “birthed” book, I talk at length about this challenge I’ve faced. To the ones hating me, I feel sadness. They truly don’t understand who I am, what I am and what I stand for. To my dying day, I will defend this awesome lifestyle even to those who revile me.

August 18th, 2017

Homage to Heather Heyer, killed by hate, defined as a “useless woman”, because she had no children!

Magnifying Heather Heyer (Ms MAGAZINE:ONLINE ARTICLE)
August 17, 2017 by Maxine Trump and Amy Blackstone | Leave a Comment

In a heart-wrenching eulogy in memory of her daughter Heather Heyer, who was mowed down by white supremacist James Alex Fields Jr. while counter-protesting a so-called “alt right” rally populated by neo-Nazis, KKK members and other white supremacists and white nationalists, Susan Bro told mourners: “They tried to kill my child to shut her up. Well, guess what? You just magnified her.”
Shortly after her murder, Heyer was heinously criticized on a neo-Nazi site as a childless waste of life. Here, fellow childless and childfree women mourn Heather’s loss with the hope of magnifying her message against injustice and celebrating her heroism.

Molly Adams
Karen Malone Wright: Founder & Chief Executive, The NotMom summit
I can remember where I was when I heard the news that four black girls in an Alabama church had been blown to Kingdom Come by a white supremacist’s bomb. It happened the day after my eighth birthday. Like them, I was a black girl, and I went to church. After all these years, I thought I knew the twisted rankings of how racists hate. Black women are second to black men, right? Jews, Muslims, gays, and immigrants are somewhere behind. Frankly, the idea that my childlessness makes me doubly offensive is surprising, but it evokes a shoulder shrug. Racists already hated me, so adding one more category isn’t really A Thing. The good news is that post-mortem attacks against Heather Heyer are firing up women without children who never felt the sting of undeserved hate before. And like Heather, they are rising up against it.
Laura Carroll: Author of Families of Two, The Baby Matrix, La Vie Childfree
As someone who has been working toward societal acceptance of the childfree choice for almost 20 years, upon reading about the hate-filled rant about Heather Heyer my first instinct is to lash back. Hate of her lack of value to and burden on society because she had not reproduced reflect dark beliefs of pronatalist dogma. Yet fighting anger with anger only acts as a perpetuating force. Action needs to come from a deeper place. As reformed white nationalist Christian Picciolini says, “people become radicalized, or extremist, because they’re searching for three very fundamental human needs: identity, community and a sense of purpose.” Marginalized, disenfranchised, and with little hope, they attach to “black and white answers.” Literally. White nationalism must be stopped, and we all must act. From skin color to reproductive choices, right action begins with understanding the underlying motives of hate, and the inability to accept difference in others.
Marcia Drut-Davis: Retired Teacher, “No Regrets” Advocate, Childfree Reflections, Author,Confessions of a Childfree Woman”
As a 75-year-old woman who wants the childfree lifestyle to be honored as it should, I’m appalled that Heather Heyer has been maligned as “childless” and therefore not much good to this planet. She proved her worth against this ignorance by taking a stand and being that stand. She fought for the importance of ending hatred and connecting hearts. She wanted to see respect for diversity. Instead, she was murdered in a senseless act of hatred. We, the childfree by choice or fate, stand tall in knowing her presence made an important difference to this planet. She never birthed or raised a child. She was trying to give birth to peace, respect for diversity and an end to hatred.
Maxine Trump: Filmmaker, “To Kid or Not To Kid”
Heather is a childfree hero. We don’t know, and only her family could ever know, whether she chose not to have children, but that shouldn’t be important. Her criticism as childless was tweeted and written about by a blog that many of us had never heard of. Reproductive rights and human rights are being fought alongside each other and we must speak up. Heather Heyer used her free time to fight injustice. In making my film about the decision to live childfree, I have interviewed many childfree women who do just this. These women volunteer their free time and are critically important members of their communities. I celebrate her ‘childless’ life for giving back and fighting for a just cause. We need to shout as loudly as we can against this injustice.
Laura LaVoie: Blogger
A young woman was killed fighting Nazis on American soil. Next, I learned that militant white supremacists hate a dead woman they never met, days after one of their own was responsible for her murder. On a website that was swiftly shut down, a hateful blogger wrote, “A 32-year-old woman without children is a burden on society and has no value.” That’s right—they called out the fact that she did not have children. And why didn’t she have children? We’ll never know, and it’s none of our business. I would be willing to bet that one reason might be because at the age of 32, a racist white man killed her. I’m angry, and I want you to get angry that a young woman was killed while supporting of her country’s highest ideals. Get angry and do something about it.
Amy Blackstone: Sociologist and Blogger
As a white woman I know that I am not generally the intended target of white supremacists. I also know that it is my duty as an American to stand beside my sisters and brothers of color to speak out against violence and hate. When hate came to town in Charlottesville, Heather Heyer stood up and spoke out. After her murder, she was denigrated for a status I share, a woman without children. The critique of women without children is nothing new though Heather’s detractor took an especially hateful approach at an especially tragic time. As a result, Heather’s legacy as an American hero and a civil rights martyr was secured. May she rest in power.
Take action: Heather Heyer’s family has urged those who wish to support her message to give to C-ville Victim Relief or to funds for Dre Harris or Natalie Romero, both victims of white supremacist violence in Charlottesville.

Maxine Trump has directed documentaries for TV networks from Discovery to Sundance and is author of the forthcoming book “Diving Into Documentaries” (Focal Press, 2018). Her previous feature film Musicwood, was a New York Times Critics’ Pick. Maxine is in full production on TO KID OR NOT TO KID.
Amy Blackstone is a sociology professor at the University of Maine where she studies childlessness and the childfree choice. Her work can be found in academic outlets, in media such as Ms., Broadly, CNN and TIME, and on the blog she co-writes with her husband Lance, we’re {not} having a baby.

Marcia Drut-Davis was given a lifetime achievement award from the International childfree movement.

July 21st, 2017

Childfree Musings

Many of you know about me from my first book, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman: A Life Spent Swimming against The Mainstream”, Amazon.

It was an adventure into raw realities involved in purging or venting my personal story. Some days (or nights) I would sit at my computer, stare at the keyboard and feel there wasn’t one word I

could share.

Other times, my words exploded like a cannon. I felt good. I felt proud until my editor, Justine, from writebynight.net said the 6 letter word I dreaded,”REVISE!”

It took almost three years of writing to have the final accomplishment in my hands and hopefully, yours.

Looking back, it was worth every agony and every rejection I met to receive the outpouring of love and support for my memoir.

I know that feeling because reading the first book about the childfree lifestyle I got, “The Baby Trap”, by Ellen Peck, set me free to be proud of being a non-parent.

(Later, non-parent was changed to “childfree”.)

When my editor suggested it may be time to update my memoir, I agreed. However, it wasn’t long before we knew I was gestating another book.

The birth of book 2 is now eminent. Without a doubt, I’m humbled and honored to feel it will help more of my childfree family.

Today, I finished a chapter that had me crying.

It wasn’t  because I heard the word, “REVISE” from Justine. It was because she said, “Marcia, this is the best writing I’ve seen from you”.

The interesting fact about the chapter is… it’s about you! You are the brave people who stepped up to share your innermost feelings with me. You are the ones who took a chance, even from

countries where you may face the wrath of others. You are the ones who inspired me to see how much we still need to make this a viable respected lifestyle allover the world!

I’m still breathless with feeling humbled and excited in writing this book and seeing the end in sight. I can’t wait to let you know it’s birthed.

The one thing I want you to know, is how much we need to keep on keeping on to feel pride in our awesome lifestyle choice. I would urge you to find something your heart can connect to knowing

you’re affecting the lives of others for the better. And, if it’s simply our own life, that’s also wonderful.

 

 

April 10th, 2017

MEET ME AT THE NOT MOM SUMMIT

This may be one of those highlights of my 74 years on this planet.

I’m the keynote opening speaker for the wonderful and wonder-filled NOTMOMSUMMIT

http://thenotmom.com/the-notmom-summit-2017/this Oct, 6-8th in Cleveland Ohio.

Without a doubt, those who attend will leave with a renewed and inspirational excitement for the childfree lifestyle.

Those sitting on the fence will hear why it may be a good idea to jump off that fence and wrap your hearts around a way to happiness you never imagined.

Those who can’t have children, shouldn’t have children or don’t want to have children will be shown love,

respect and how to overcome feelings of rejection from friends, family and co-workers who may mean well

but are only perpetuating the myths they’ve been lead to believe is an assumed biological destiny for all.

I’m honored and overwhelmed at the opportunities I have with the other presenters to reach your hearts.

I also look forward to meeting as many of my peeps as I can!

Hugs,
Marcia Drut-Davis

January 3rd, 2017

Our NOKID GROUP CRUISE. WHY?

Why a Group Cruise?
Here are some of the reasons:
Reduced Fares and a Tremendous Value
Cruises are virtually all-inclusive vacations. One price includes all accommodations, meals, many activities on board the ship, and entertainment. By traveling as a group, we’ll qualify for special group discounts and rates.
Hassle-Free Vacation
With a Group Cruise, you unpack once and let the ship’s crew do the rest.
Multi-Interest Floating Resorts
Our cruise ship offer something for everyone regardless of their interests or personality. There’s plenty to keep every member of the group entertained.
Accommodations for Any Budget
We still have a number of different types of staterooms for any budget including: inside cabins, suites, balcony staterooms, and ocean view staterooms.

We also have “The Haven” with a private butler, restaurant, spa privileges and awesome additional amenities!
Group Dining
There’s maximum flexibility available for group dining on our cruise ship. Our group can elect to dine together or choose independent dining options.
Award Winning Entertainment
Our cruise ship offers first-rate award winning Broadway and Las Vegas-style musical revues; comedians; magic shows; piano bars; high energy discos; and live music to keep us entertained from sun down to sun up. The casino is also fun. You can use your on board credit there!
Fun & Getting to Know Each Other
A Group Cruise gives us a chance to share a common experience, which is choosing the childfree lifestyle and never hearing, “So? How many kids do you have? Our group activities like our private dinners first and last nights at sea, late night fun, and festivities will help us get to know one another.
High Satisfaction Vacations
Cruises have the highest guest satisfaction rating in the entire travel industry. Cruise Line studies show that groups that travel together on a cruise will return again as a group within two years of their first trip. We’ll be doing this on our Get-A-Way NCL cruise along the Mexican Coast, December 3-10th, 2017! Our special group pricing and amenities ends soon. Will you be with us?

Info: nokidcruise@gmail.com.

I’LL BE HOSTING AND SPEAKING!
Love you all,
Marcia Drut-Davis

July 22nd, 2016

It’s Another Childfree Group Cruise, 2017

The memories from our first gala cruise still linger. Now, we want to add more memories with another opportunity to be with like-minded people. You’ll never hear, “So? How many kids do you have?”
We leave on Dec 3, 2017 (That’s over a year and a half from now!) We cruise on the same ship: NCL’S Getaway down the Mexican Riviera coast stopping at Roatan Bay Islands, Harvest Caye, Belize, Costa Maya and Cozumel. You can purchase shore excursions to see the Mayan Ruins, take a thrilling ZIP line experience, swim, snorkel on a private island or kiss a dolphin.
Pricing starts at 489.00 pp for an Inside cabin. (You just read that right.) For more pricing on ocean view cabins and balconies and The Haven, a ship within a ship with a butler…go to NOKIDCRUISE@gmail.com. I’ll attach information. But hurry. These prices and first choice cabins will go back to NCL on 9/14/2016.
You’ll also get 4 specialty dining meals FREE and 75.00 per cabin on board credit.
Only 50.00 assures you a place. 125.00 pp gets your name on your chosen cabin. All money is refundable up to 120 days from sailing.
Singles can purchase a studio cabin and not have to pay double as all other cruise ships insist upon. They are going fast!
Hoping to give and get hugs on a trip to make a lifetime memory.
Hugs,
Marcia Drut-Davis

April 9th, 2016

Facing Another Mother’s Day!

Mother’s Day is approaching. I remember my mom. She was wonderful. However, it was a crapshoot. I won. Many don’t. Many are born to women lured into the myth of being a mother. From the time their first doll is placed, they’re filled with the game of being a mommy.
It’s not a game. It’s a choice too many take for granted without any clue of reality. There are no courses, exams or honest revelations about mothering. Because of pronatalism, which exalts the status of parenting in the media, arts, music and society, women dive in for that exalted title. Many never stop to question, “Am I parent material? Do I have enough money to raise a child? Do I know what the lifestyle really means? Would I be happier not raising children?”
If we’re honest, some should never be a mother.
I’m against Mother’s Day. I applaud those doing a good job in their profession as a parent. What? Mothering a profession? In my opinion, if it were thought of that way, there would be happier children and parents. Child abuse could be diminished. Sadly, the ones who say, ”I don’t want to be a mother” are often shunned, maligned or deemed to be immature, destined to change their minds. Or, worse yet, destined to regret their selfish choice. The ones who face infertility are seen as barren, doomed to face a life of incompleteness. We can never mention that many parents may have regrets too.
For me, I celebrate the freedom to carefully make life choices. If mothering equals nurturing, then I’ve done that. I’ve nurtured those I taught, my rescued dog, garden, husband and best of all, myself. Selfish? No. Smart. I happily, without any regrets at 73, chose the childfree lifestyle.

December 27th, 2015

The Joys of a Childfree Group Cruise

Our first of what we hope to be annual childfree group cruises, was a huge success. Fourteen people met as strangers and left as extended family members
It took me an entire year to plan this, find the right cruise line, and get Laura Scott our awesome guest speaker.
The highlights of the cruise, as shared by the people attending, was first… the choice in using Norwegian Cruise Lines. Thanks to K&E International Travel and visiting the actual ship, “The Getaway”, it was a good choice. They embrace the freestyle cruising idea meaning, no first and second seatings for dining, no requirement of jackets or dressing every night and tons of choices on board. The food, service, cabins and entertainment were stellar. The shore excursions were fun. (So was staying on -board when everyone got off!)
The next best thing was simply meeting each other. There were two days at sea to meet as a group. Laura Scott, Author of “Two IS Enough: A Couples Guide to the Childfree Lifestyle” and “The Childfree Documentary”, was a fabulous supporter of teaching how to handle the naysayers who incorrectly label childfree people as selfish or immature. We laughed at some role playing and felt empathy for those who are shunned by family or friends.
I shared my “60 Minutes” taping from 1974 where, “pardon our perversion for airing this on Mother’s Day” was heard by Mike Wallace. Sadly, it was agreed that not much has changed! Laura shared a piece of her documentary.
When we met to say good by, we all agreed that a memory of a lifetime was created. For some, they will no longer fear saying they are childfree by choice. For others, they still must fear their truths as their professions may be in jeopardy.
I’m already planning another adventure for December of 2016. It will probably be on the newest NCL ship, The Escape. We already have the first speaker, Jesse Nochols who is a MAN! If remotely interested, place your name on the NOKIDCRUISE@ gmail.com mailing list. It will be a first come, first served basis once I have the dates and cabins locked in. If you’re single, this cruise lines offers a single studio cabin! (Unheard of in other cruise lines.)

This site had been closed down due to a very bad hacking. It took months to get us back. We are back, proud and excited to reach your hearts.

Marcia Drut-Davis

 

July 14th, 2015

WE BIRTHED A CHILDFREE GROUP CRUISE!

It’s official. I’m super excited to announce we have a HAPPY2BCHILDFREE group cruise on a luxurious Norwegian Cruise-line. this December 2015.

Picture this: a deliciously fun experience with like-minded people who’ll never ask, “Why don’t you have kids?” Add to this, the authors: Laura Carroll, “The Baby Matrix”, Laura Scott, “Two Is Enough” and me, Marcia Drut-Davis, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”. We’ll have a few private meetings on board when we’re out at sea.  Panel discussions, airing of my infamous “60 Minutes” experience, viewing of  “The Childfree Project” by Laura Scott and talking with our authors will be inspiring and illuminating. Evenings will be in their awesome theater, voted the best of cruising, or dancing, or gambling or enjoying new friendships. The other times, in port, we’ll have a private land excursion company assuring us a childfree group! (No cattle call from the liner with kids!)

Info can be had by emailing me at: nokidcruise@gmail.com.  I’ll send you a lot to read from that gmail address. You’ll have questions.  If I can’t answer them, our travel agency K&E will be a great help with Margie, who is a cruise “maven”.  There are additional taxes and fees but very small. Land excursions are extra. NCL will offer a FREE drink package,  FREE specialty dining every night, 75.00 land excursion credit per port or FREE wifi packages. (You just read that right.) (wink)

Additionally, single people may be able to get a studio inside cabin just for yourself with no added costs as most other cruise-lines charge! They’ll be the first to go.

So……..come with us. Don’t wait too long as cabins are going fast. I’ll send you a link to tour the ship, virtually. Let’s make memories to last a lifetime. Having fought cancer and won, I’ve learned the importance of being with like-minded friends and relishing the joy of fun experiences. I have hugs waiting!

Love you all,

Jim and Marcia

SEE YOU ON BOARD!

 

Marcia Drut-Davis