Childfree Reflections

With Marcia Drut-Davis
July 14th, 2015 by Marcia Davis

WE BIRTHED A CHILDFREE GROUP CRUISE!

It’s official. I’m super excited to announce we have a HAPPY2BCHILDFREE group cruise on a luxurious Norwegian Cruise-line. this December 2015.

Picture this: a deliciously fun experience with like-minded people who’ll never ask, “Why don’t you have kids?” Add to this, the authors: Laura Carroll, “The Baby Matrix”, Laura Scott, “Two Is Enough” and me, Marcia Drut-Davis, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”. We’ll have a few private meetings on board when we’re out at sea.  Panel discussions, airing of my infamous “60 Minutes” experience, viewing of  “The Childfree Project” by Laura Scott and talking with our authors will be inspiring and illuminating. Evenings will be in their awesome theater, voted the best of cruising, or dancing, or gambling or enjoying new friendships. The other times, in port, we’ll have a private land excursion company assuring us a childfree group! (No cattle call from the liner with kids!)

Info can be had by emailing me at: nokidcruise@gmail.com.  I’ll send you a lot to read from that gmail address. You’ll have questions.  If I can’t answer them, our travel agency K&E will be a great help with Margie, who is a cruise “maven”.  There are additional taxes and fees but very small. Land excursions are extra. NCL will offer a FREE drink package,  FREE specialty dining every night, 75.00 land excursion credit per port or FREE wifi packages. (You just read that right.) (wink)

Additionally, single people may be able to get a studio inside cabin just for yourself with no added costs as most other cruise-lines charge! They’ll be the first to go.

So……..come with us. Don’t wait too long as cabins are going fast. I’ll send you a link to tour the ship, virtually. Let’s make memories to last a lifetime. Having fought cancer and won, I’ve learned the importance of being with like-minded friends and relishing the joy of fun experiences. I have hugs waiting!

Love you all,

Jim and Marcia

SEE YOU ON BOARD!

 

Marcia Drut-Davis

January 30th, 2015 by Marcia Davis

I’m “Birthing” a CHILDFREE GROUP CRUISE!

You just read that right. All through last year, fighting cancer, I kept thinking when I won the battle of this awful disease, I wanted to meet the many childfree-by-choice people who have shown their love, support and gratitude. This is the opportunity I dreamed about. I’m working with a wonderful travel agency , K&E International, who got us a deal you can’t refuse!

The cruise leaves December 6-13, out of Miami, Florida to The Caribbean. It stops for a full day in a privately owned NCL island, the Cayman Islands, Jamaica and Cozumel.

Imagine being with like minded people who’ll never ask you, “How many kids to you have?” Or when you answer, will never say, “Why? or, “How selfish!”

The speaker we’re having on board is stellar in the land of the childfree: LAURA SCOTT, the author of, “Two Is Enough” will be with us!

What fun we’ll have not to mention the cruise line itself! It’s the luxurious NCL GETAWAY. It’s only one year old! You won’t believe it’s beauty and what it offers on board. The on-land excursions are guaranteed to be childfree as we have our own land agency for that! All stops on the itinerary offer a full day of fun unlike many cruise ships who only dock for a few hours!

If you’re interested …HURRY! Email me at:nokidcruise@gmail.com. Say you heard about this from my blog! I’ll attach all the exciting info.  We only have a certain amount of of saved cabins at the price offered. We have more inquiries than cabins! All the cabins around me and Jim are already booked. ( Steve Harvey hawked this ship on a recent TV show with on-board videos!)

Much love to all. Hope to see you on-board and helping to make a memory we’ll long remember.

Marcia Drut-Davis

 

December 13th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Childfree By Choice Among Gays/Lesbians.

Recently, it came to my attention  how much pressure gay and lesbian people feel to have children. And why not? When the ideal picture of a family is having the addition of at least one child, they’re under the same cultural

incentives/myths to go forth and multiply.

Since biologically they can’t, they’re often  made to feel  they should search out a surrogate, or explore in-vitro, sperm donors and adoption. They’re not to be thought of as a couple without them!

If they’re “out” and in a committed relationship, it get’s worse. Apparently that perfect ideal of happiness is to have a child at all costs! Even after the wedding, in the states where it’s acceptable, there are the not- so -subtle

hints of adding a baby to fulfill their lives. Without that child, the couple is lacking something

In the past, we were influenced by many TV shows extolling the joys of having children. Ah yes! “The Brady Bunch” were so happy together as a blended family of eight children with a nanny. All worries or challenges were

accomplished within a half hour time frame. Very realistic! It was applauded by the many advertisers and people turning in to see the show. After viewing, it left them with  more pronatal yearnings to have more kids!

Now, we have “Modern Family” where a gay couple adopts a daughter who gives them such feelings of joy and accomplishment even though she can be a pain in the ass.

On my facebook blog, I recently corresponded with a gay man who shared how much he appreciated my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” (Amazon.com) My facebook site: facebook.com/childfreereflections

is another support network he enjoys. Being constantly inundated by friends and family trying to get him to think about having children gets old.

I’m so proud and delighted to have a place in his heart. He’s wished a beautiful, fulfilling and healthy life. I hope he continues to make his own choices with as much pride and dignity as any parent.

 

 

 

 

 

November 17th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

George Carlin Rants Re: “Children”

http://www.georgecarlinrip.com/2014/01/your-children-are-overrated.html?m=1

October 27th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Interview With A Childfree Man

MEET CHILDFREE – BY – CHOICE VICTOR!

Interviewed by Marcia Drut-Davis

Author, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman”

From time to time, I’ll be happy to interview people from our childfree facebook and blog family.

The interview is about one man and does not reflect all childfree men or my own beliefs.

And, we who know about being condemned for our personal choices and or lifestyle, know it’s important for Victor to feel free to express himself.

Here’s our first:

Meet Victor “Greywolf”. He’s outspoken, brutally honest and offers insightful reactions to being childfree-by-choice. Fasten your seatbelts!

Marcia: You’re a single CF man. When did you know you never wanted to be a father?

Victor:

It was something ALWAYS there. However it started to be prevalent in 2010 when I was about 36. I was finishing a recording certificate at a local community college. I realized my art was stagnant.

Financially I wasn’t really getting anywhere. I knew having kids would financially burden me, not to mention the fact that I’ve never really gotten along with kids. Kids just turned me off.

I hated witnessing temper tantrums. I detested teen vandals running around. (I’ve had too many bad experiences with kids vandalizings!)

Also with shows such as: Surviving Evil, Obsession Dark Desire and Who The Bleep Did I Marry, I felt disgusted with the whole notion of it. It was something I just couldn’t stand to have in my life.

I know a lot of people say, “Kids are a great thing”. For me, it’s more of a hassle and not worth the trouble.

Marcia: How old are you now?

Victor:

I’m 40.

Marcia: Is it easy or difficult to find a life partner or is that not one of your goals?

Victor:

I would say or categorize it as kind of a mixture of the two. I mean, I’ve met SOME women who were willing to be my partner, but later found it was either a joke, or they were saying what they thought I wanted to hear.

I’m also told I’m vocally shocking and abrasive in other things. Go figure. But I won’t give up.

There must be a woman who likes the honesty and finds it a relief that I won’t refrain from sharing raw feelings, right?

Marcia:

I enjoy seeing you reply on many posts from this childfree site. I admit, sometimes your use of language is shocking.

And that’s you. What do you enjoy about this CF site? Do you think we need support for the childfree? Why?

Victor:

Well, it’s nice to see people not giving a damn about those little burdens. I enjoy seeing posts about fast food places with commercials women claim are ‘too sexual’ and ‘thinking of the children’.

For me, it’s a great source of comedic material, since I feel the mothers shouting the loudest aren’t getting any, due to their lousy performances in bed or too much time with their kids. (LOL)

It’s also nice to see people talking about something OTHER than kids. We need all the support we can get. Why? Why not? Kids aren’t the future, kids are the reason we need birth control.

Maybe if we stop reproducing enough, then we can rebuild the earth and improve everything. Instead of depending on kids, we should stop trying to wait for them, and improve things ourselves right now.

Marcia:

Many times, you seem angry. Can you share why or is it too personal?

Victor:

I feel I shouldn’t be stigmatized to share my anger, especially with all the problems out there, and things that are happening as a result of out of control reproducing.

If only we could make people who are promoting breeding shut their traps about reproducing such as: politicians, religious leaders, traditionalists.

Most of those “heart warming” stories about children are often based on fantasia, not reality, especially since a lot of people do believe that sitcoms show the ideal life.

As quoted from the movie,  “The Cable Guy” “reality isn’t, “Father Knows Best” anymore.” I don’t believe it ever was.

And the beat goes on in “Married with Children”, “Parenthood” and “Malcolm In The Middle”.  (Don’t watch them. Just know of them.)

Although they deal with a lot of real life situations it’s always with the children being worth it in the end.

Marcia:

What qualities are you looking for in a life-partner other than being childfree-by- choice?

Victor:

I would like a woman who isn’t jealous or possessive. Someone who is like a combination of Jenna Jameson, or Marilyn Chambers, along with someone who I can relate to, who is also into the same things I enjoy.

I want a woman who has her own money and is her own person. She should have her own interests too so we can enjoy alone time. It’s hard to find those women, since most women are conventional.

That’s why it’s so hard to find a life partner! I would also like a woman who lets a man be, and does her thing. She has to be open about herself, not mysterious.

Also, she has to be someone who isn’t afraid to let me be who I am, and not be angry if I like certain things she doesn’t. I guess if she was a bit of an exhibitionist, that wouldn’t hurt either, or into the swinger’s lifestyle.

(I found out the hard way, monogamous relationships at times lead to jealousy.) I know! I know! It’s almost impossible to find a woman with these attributes.

My ideal woman will be an inspiration to me, not a reason to run away from her. She doesn’t have to be in playboy, or penthouse, or hustler, but would do it in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose.

I don’t want a bully either who will get mad over every little thing, but someone who won’t be afraid of life. It wouldn’t hurt if she was older, or had menopause.

I’m also an atheist. Religious women wouldn’t do well with me or me with them. Finally, drum roll, she must embrace childfreedom forever.

Marcia:

Can you tell us a bit about what you’re doing now?

Victor:

I’m a general artist who’s a filmmaker. You can look up the Nevada Film Festival 2009-2011. Check out: Las Vegas, 2012 gold and silver Ace Awards, and the RXSm cyber jurors.

I’m a comic book artist. I have my own anti-hero series. I’m writing and drawing a female character in a spin off of my anti hero series.

I’m also a former open mike night comic with 2 (count them 2) albums on CD baby, and a martial artist.

I just completed a straight to video “talking head” (film festival term, where a person is performing a monologue throughout or partially through the movie).

I’m working on my next issue of my comic book. I also narrated an unpublished children’s book, and was a producer and extra for a while.

Currently, I’m working on trying to make another type of film, as well as a third spoken CD. I write and draw cards for a non-profit place.

I just got a guitar and am learning to play. I may make a music CD. I’m planning to learn some more martial arts soon. Soon, I hope to do a day in the life of Victor movie!

Marcia:

Do you have a best friend? Who is she/he?

Victor:

Do I have a best friend?  Just my dogs.

 

I want to thank Victor for this candid, at times raw, bold and honest sharing of his childfree life. He’s given permission to include his address if anyone wants to contact him:

P.O. Box 2172, Palatine, IL 60078-2172.

I look forward to learning more about others in our facebook.com/childfreereflections community. If you’re interested in sharing, let me know!

 

October 14th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

ANNOUNCEMENT

I’ve been away from this blog fighting cancer. I’m back… having won the fight!

Soon, you’ll be reading interviews about people following me from my facebook site: http://facbook.com/chidfreereflections.

The first will be one of our men. It will be a fascinating share of being childfree….. from his perspective.

HUGS,

Marcia

August 25th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

How To Tell People You Don’t Want Kids.

In this blog, I hope to give you pointers to stop any confrontation to remain childfree by choice. Remember, most of the time, people will mean well. They chose to have children. Many of them are happy. The ones who aren’t will rarely tell you that but want you to suffer along.

Remember:

1.Your goal isn’t to defend a personal choice.

Just like parents are rarely made to defend their choice, neither should you. A simple statement saying you prefer the childfree -by -choice lifestyle is all that’s necessary. Don’t go into details or pronounce how much you love kids when you may or may not.  Don’t explain the myriad of reasons parenting turns you off cold. In my opinion, it’s none of their business. If you start getting the “BUT,BUT, BUTS, ask this question: “Are you happy being a parent?” Most often they’ll reply with exuberance, “YES!” Say, “That’s exactly how I feel. Happy!” If you get the,”You’ll change your mind or you’ll regret this someday”, say, “You may be right!” Then, walk away or change the conversation.  If they say,”Isn’t that selfish?” Your answer is, “You may be right”. Change the conversation again. Get the picture?

Ask yourself if you have to win that conversation about not having or raising children? If anger is created and you feel your blood boiling because of others ignorance, “You may be right” then walk away! You can go home to the peace of your lifestyle. They can’t. (Off the record, if by any small chance they ARE right, I would rather regret not having children than having them.)

2. Timing is everything. 

Pick the right time to be truthful. If you’re feeling annoyed at work, that’s NOT the right time. If you’re not feeling well, that’s not the right time. If there are more of “them” and less of your supporters, that’s not the right time. If you’re sitting at the Thanksgiving Table and the whole family starts attacking, revert to, “You may be right”. Then, change the topic!

The best time is face to face, in a private place in a quiet environment.

 

3.Once you tell the truth, you’ll feel happier.

In my memoir, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” on Page 55,  I wrote: “We breathed easier after telling my in-laws the truth: they finally knew we weren’t going to have children. It was as if pounds of worry and frustration had fallen away.” Of course you won’t be on a nationally  televised TV show like I was on “60 Minutes”. You won’t be threatened with death and lose your job as a teacher as I was.

When you’re considered to be an “other” in any society, it’s difficult for you and those who go with the expected flow. Each feels the need to be right. Neither are. It’s a choice with consequences for both decisions. The added difficulty is for those who fear telling the truth. Sometimes, you have to be careful because I know what losing a job means to me now, at 71. My lower pension reflects those years I was blacklisted!  And, at the same time, if you are fired for making a personal life choice, affecting nobody but yourself, an attorney would be there in a nanno-second.

Telling the truth gives you back control. You’re no longer a victim of cultural or religious influences. It’s freeing, and comforting to you. Why shouldn’t you feel as proud as any parent? Why should’t you live in truth and not fear of rejection? If you’re rejected, consider the source! Were they worthy of your connection in the first place? If it’s family who are supposed to be there you forever, that’s a myth. We’re  born into family. Many family members would not be our choice of friends if they lived next door! If it’s a friend, have they really been a “friend” is you’re rejected?  We can choose our own family of friends, neighbors, co-workers, or organizations that give us respect.

Tell the truth! You’ll love the feeling if it’s done with pride and understanding of your own boundaries.

August 20th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

A FASCINATING READ, IN MY OPINION!

http://aeon.co/magazine/nature-and-cosmos/pregnancy-is-a-battleground-between-mother-father-and-baby/

My facebook book site was temporarily closed down today not allowing me to post or comment. I feel Facebook slapped my hands saying the above article, “doesn’t follow the Facebook Community Standards”.

In my opinion, it was closed because of some ignorant person who perceived that article as a slap to the Madonna myth.

Read the article for yourself. See why, more than ever, pronatalism is alive and well and must be brought to the attention of others.

August 18th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Reflecting on Lifetime Contributor Award to Childfreedom

hometownnewsPostedReceiving any award is always an ago boost. When I heard the International Committee for International Childfree Day (August 1, 2014) chose me for their inaugural “Lifetime Contributor Award”, I had mixed emotions.

Why wasn’t I honored as their, “Woman of The Year”? Did they give me this as a pity party knowing I faced cancer  this year?  Finally, the word “Lifetime” made me feel old!

Then I re-thought the whole thing.

It’s an honor! I’m proud and feel excited to be worthy of this first time recognition.  When I think of the 40 years or more I’ve fought the battle against pronatalism, faced so much in losing a job and being called ” perverse” after being on “60 Minutes”,  had to cross picket lines when I had speaking engagements and the loss of friends, I sigh. Thinking back, it was all worth it. (Well maybe not the loss of a job as my pension now reflects the years I couldn’t teach!)

People keep telling me the choice not to have or raise children is accepted now and there’s no need for all this support. Really? How I wish this was true. If you could read the daily letters I get telling me they thought there was something wrong with them because they had no maternal or paternal feelings, you would cringe. If you could see how many accolades I get for fighting the fight, you would be surprised. If you could hear how many face being shunned by their families due to this personal choice, you would know we have a long way to go.

Internationally, pronatal influences are epidemic to have children. Religious and cultural expectations make it one of the most important things anyone can do whether or not they are parent material or know any of the realities in what it takes to be an effective parent. Where are any support systems for the childfree lifestyle? Are they ever mentioned in any schools? No! But students are still seen carrying around hard boiled eggs in a basket to teach the responsibility of being a parent. (I can’t make this up!) Where are infertile people taught about choosing childfreedom as a viable and rewarding choice and not being a victim of the barren tsk tsk tsking society.

If you think not having/raising children is accepted, tell your friends and family you are not having children. You’ll probably still hear: you’ll change your mind, isn’t that selfish or why get married?

There may be a few who say, “That’s your own personal choice”. I feel proud of knowing that can happen and feel I had a part of raising the global consciousness.

We have a long way to go. As I age, I hope there are more to carry on and get this wonderful award. The more we feel safe and proud to say, “I’m childfree by choice”, the more children have a better chance of children being born or adopted into the lives of people truly aware of what it means to raise a child.

At 71, I can say, without a doubt, I have no regrets. Childfreedom is one of the sweetest, fulfilling lifestyles anyone can have. I’m proud to be given this award and vow to continue to fight pronatalism.

 

 

May 7th, 2014 by Marcia Davis

Mother’s Day In America 2014

Mother’s Day In America

By Marcia Drut-Davis

Before I share some heartfelt emotions, I want to honor those mothers, grandmothers and aunts who devote their lives to their children, grandchildren nieces or nephews. There are many deserving of adoration. How lucky for those children!

Sadly, in my opinion, the Mother’s Day celebration in America is another example of the dangers of pronatalism. It exalts the status of being a mother to something short of being a saint. Just the mere mention of the revered word “mother’ makes many swoon with love and joy. It discounts the many hearts hurting from abuse or indifference. It forgets those children who suffer from their mothers who were never parent material in the first place. It encourages more to get that title to become a part of societal or religious expectations so they can get the same attention.

We forget the damage to those facing infertility. They seem to view themselves as “less than” or barren. Look up the word “childless” in any thesaurus and see the negative words associated to infertile. Never are infertile people told about the sheer joy and freedom to live a childfree (not “less”) lifestyle. Never are they told how much they can give to themselves and humanity having more time to “mother” in other ways. It seems the only way is though a baby or child. Really?

How many women mother through their work? How many mother through being a passionate supporter of a green environment? How many mother as devoted  neighbors to children whose moms may be forced to come home late? How many mother as concerned citizens volunteering in government, animal humane societies, Big Sisters or Guardian Ad Litem?

Until we, the childfree by choice, are given as much attention, adoration and accolades on International Non-Parents Day (which is August 1st) there is no equality and no understanding of how wonderful, loving and nurturing we can be without having or raising children.

 

Marcia Drut-Davis is author of, “Confessions of a Childfree Woman” on Amazon.com.